Dada Woof Papa Hot Mitzi E. Newhouse Theater Cast List: Tammy Blanchard Patrick Breen John Benjamin Hickey Alex Hurt Kellie Overbey John Pankow Stephen Plunkett Production Credits: Scott Ellis (director) John Lee Beatty (sets) Jennifer von Mayrhauser (costumes) Peter Kaczorowski (lighting) John Gromada (original music & sound) Other Credits: Written by: Peter Parnell - See more at:

“Dada Woof Papa Hot” at Lincoln Center Theater. See more here.

I always knew it would take something special to get me to do a promotional post on my blog. It would either have to be something I wanted to write about anyway or the compensation would have to be ridiculously sweet. A few weeks ago, I got an email offering me tickets to see a new Off-Broadway play about gay dads by Peter Parnell.

Not only had I heard about the play, but I was a big fan of its playwright, who is probably best known to parents everywhere for co-authoring the children’s picture book “And Tango Makes Three” with his husband, Justin Richardson. Not only is that book a bedtime staple in our house, but Parnell has also been involved in two of my all-time favorite theatrical experiences, a two-part adaptation of John Irving’s “The Cider House Rules” which ran at LA’s Mark Taper Forum in 1998 and the book of the stunning stage adaptation of “The Hunchback of Notre Dame”, which I saw earlier this year at New Jersey’s Paper Mill Playhouse. (Sadly, it’s not coming to Broadway, but a cast album will be released this month.)

Would I be willing to see this show for free in exchange for writing about it? Sure! I’d even get a pair of tickets to give away to one of my readers. (That could be you! Read on for info.) I should note that I didn’t receive any compensation other than my free tickets and I didn’t agree to write anything in particular, so this is a totally honest review.

The show is called “Dada Woof Papa Hot”, and my biggest criticism of the show is of the title. It supposedly comes from the first four words the main characters’ daughter said as a baby (not all at once), and one of the dads jokes that they’re also the four words every gay dad wants to hear. I don’t know if I agree with that, but I’m pretty sure they are the last four words any grown adult wants to say out loud when talking to a Ticketmaster agent. (Except for maybe “Two for ‘Finding Neverland'”. Sorry I couldn’t resist.)

Dada Woof Papa Hot Mitzi E. Newhouse Theater Cast List: Tammy Blanchard Patrick Breen John Benjamin Hickey Alex Hurt Kellie Overbey John Pankow Stephen Plunkett Production Credits: Scott Ellis (director) John Lee Beatty (sets) Jennifer von Mayrhauser (costumes) Peter Kaczorowski (lighting) John Gromada (original music & sound) Other Credits: Written by: Peter Parnell - See more at:

“Dada Woof Papa Hot” at Lincoln Center Theater. See more here.

“Dada Woof Papa Hot” concerns Alan and Rob, played by the excellent John Benjamin Hickey and Patrick Breen. They’re a couple of middle-aged gay guys who’ve been together for a decade and change and have a young daughter. Don’t worry. She’s off-stage for the entire play, so you don’t have to fear that some cute child actor is going to make you feel bad about leaving your kids at home to come to the theater.

Rob is a career-minded therapist with a keen people sense, and Alan is an insecure, frustrated writer who wonders if he was cut out to be a father. They talk about their kid, marvel at the fact that they’re dads and gossip about the good-looking guys they know. I told my husband Drew I was going to say in my post that the characters reminded me of us, and he replied that if I wrote that, he would kill me — which, really, is such a Rob thing to say.

The couple befriends a younger pair of gay dads, Scott and Jason, whom they bond with over the many things they have in common. We also meet Michael and Serena, a straight couple who are a straight-up disaster. Alan and Rob are shocked to learn that Michael is having an affair. Since they had kids, Serena just isn’t as interested in sex as she used to be. Alan and Rob are glad that they don’t have that problem.

See more at:

“Dada Woof Papa Hot” at Lincoln Center Theater. See more here.

The play is very astute in detailing the differences between gay and straight marriages. Alan and Rob can be open about their crushes on other men, like Alan’s personal trainer and one of Rob’s patients. That’s something a straight guy like Michael could never do with his wife, which leads to a lot of pent-up frustration. But when two gay men lust openly after other guys, it’s all safe and fun… right?

Only, of course, it’s not. Soon, one of their new gay friends comes onto Alan, threatening to ruin both of their happy marriages at once.

Going into the show, Drew and I feared it would be another lowest common denominator act of pandering to the gay audience, full of gratuitous nudity and Streisand jokes. Yes, there’s a bit of gratuitous nudity, but Parnell is more interested in giving us our own “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf” than going for easy ticket sales. His characters don’t succumb to stereotype, and he doesn’t sell them out for cheap jokes, which is probably why I found them so relatable.

“Dada Woof Papa Hot” couldn’t be more of-the-moment. There’s a schism in the gay community about having families. Are gay parents selling out their LGBTQ identity or simply buying into the American dream? Much of Alan’s doubt about being a dad comes from the feeling that he was never supposed to have kids… but is that his common sense talking or his internalized homophobia? Ultimately, the play comes down to one simple question: Now that gay couples have the freedom to marry and have children, can we avoid the pitfalls of marriage and parenthood that have long plagued straight couples?

It’s a topic that couldn’t be in better hands than it is with Parnell and the cast. Between “And Tango Makes Three” and “Dada Woof Papa Hot”, Peter Parnell is quickly becoming the patron saint of gay dads, and I’m happy to report that his new show is well worth getting a sitter for.

If you’d like to win TWO FREE TICKETS to see the show, simply leave a comment below with the words “DADA WOOF PAPA HOT ME WANNA GO!” in it. (Sorry, I’m not going to make this easy on you.) Make sure you include your name and email address in the comment form, so I can get in touch with you if you win. I’ll pick one commenter at random on Tuesday, November 17, 2015, so enter by then if you want to go. You’re on your own getting a sitter, though.

Dada Woof Papa Hot is playing at the Lincoln Center Theater now through January 3, 2016. 


“Captain Underpants” and the Not-So-Stinky Same-Sex Surprise

captunderpantscoverHere’s something worth talking about besides the never-ending nonsense in Kentucky. The “Captain Underpants” series, which is widely beloved by children and widely poo-poo’ed by fuddy-duddies, went out with a major mic drop last week.

If you haven’t read “Captain Underpants and the Sensational Saga of Sir Stinks-a-Lot” yet, consider this a spoiler warning. In the 12th and reportedly final book in the series, author Dav Pilkey reveals very quietly that one of the major characters that kids have been reading about for almost 20 years now, will grow up to marry a man. It happens when the two friends at the center of the story travel to the future and see themselves with their future families. One of those families looks like this:


“Soon, everyone had gathered together in Old Geroge’s studio. Old George, his wife, and their kids, Meena and Nik, sat on the couch, while Old Harold, his husband, and their twins, Owen and Kei, plopped down in the giant beanbag chair.”

And that’s it. Then comes another 86 pages of time travel, stinky gas and three helpful creatures that are half bionic hamsters and half pterodactyls.

I wouldn’t even call this a “twist”. If Harold’s sexual orientation was never mentioned before in the series, it’s only because he’s 10 years old when the rest of the story takes place. 10-year-old boys have about a million concerns more pressing than who they’re going to marry someday, so I’m not surprised that the issue didn’t arise while they were battling farts and whatnot.

Of course, I especially loved hearing this news because my family looks a lot like Harold’s family.


I only wish I had been able to see that picture when I was 10 years old. It would’ve made the following 20 years or so a lot more bearable to know that I was going to have a husband and kids when I grew up. So the thought of Harold getting that glimpse of his future made me very happy, not so much for the fictional character as for the hordes of real-life kids who’ll get a chance to see something I never got to see when I was their age.

Because I’m a sadist, I went to the book’s Amazon page to see what reviewers were saying about this revelation. Not surprisingly, some people accused Pilkey of having a political agenda. I was about in mid-eyeroll from that accusation when I saw that the book also had a bunch of jokes about the GOP (“Grouchy Old People”) and FOX News.

The "GOP", according to Dav Pilkey

The “GOP”, according to Dav Pilkey

So maybe this was a calculated move on Pilkey’s part. If so, good for him. There’s always been room for controversial topics in middle grade fiction. Ask anyone who grew up reading Judy Blume. Ultimately, I suspect Pilkey didn’t make his creative choice for attention or because he’s beholden to some radical gay agenda. He did it because he knows and cares about his readers. He knows some of them will grow up to be gay, and pretty much all of them will grow up knowing and caring about someone who’s gay. A few of them will even go to school with my kids, and when they get to that part of “Sir Stinks-a-Lot”, they’ll go, “Oh, yeah. That’s like my friends’ family!”

Most importantly, though, I’d imagine Pilkey wrote the book this way because he knows his characters, and he’s probably been aware for a while that Harold is gay.

Oh, and it looks like George, the African-American kid, may have married a Caucasian woman, if that’s worth noting at all. (No one on Amazon seems to care, at least.)captunderpants5

The good news is that as I read the Amazon reviews, I noticed two important things about the one-star smackdowns: First, they made up a mere 8% of the book’s total reviews (which I know is likely to change if some Grouchy Old People decide to start a hate campaign against the book), and second, they’re all from grown-ups.

The kids who reviewed the book — the actual intended audience — mostly gave it rave reviews. 77% of them (as of the publication of this post) rated it 4 or 5 stars.

OK, OK, but how did the kids feel about the big reveal that Harold was gay?

It’s hard to say, honestly. Only a handful of them even bothered to mention it.

Pics reprinted from “Captain Underpants and the Sensational Saga of Sir Stinks-a-Lot” by Dav Pilkey (Scholastic, Inc., copyright 2015).

Upcoming DC Surrogacy Conference

FTSlogoThere’s been a lot of negative press about surrogacy lately, and it makes me really sad, because, as I say here all the time, surrogacy changed my life, and everyone involved in our case feels like they gained something wonderful out of the process. I also say all the time that surrogacy is not for everyone, and there are a lot of unscrupulous people out there engaged in the practice. So if you’re considering surrogacy, either as a potential surrogate or intended parent, you really need to educate yourself to make sure you’re doing it the safest and most ethical way possible. 

The upcoming Families Through Surrogacy conference in Alexandria, Virginia on September 13, 2014 promises to be a great resource on the topic. They’ve lined up some fantastic speakers for the event, including me! This is the same group that organized the San Francisco conference I appeared in back in March, and they will answer any questions you have, whether you’re gay or straight and whether you’re considering domestic or international surrogacy options. (I’m heavily biased toward domestic and will be happy to share why, but there will also be people who’ve gone the international route on hand to share their experiences.)

If you’re in the DC area, I’d love to see you there, and I’ll have copies of my book on hand to sell and sign. You can get more information here.

Today’s Surrogacy Article in the New York Times

Jerry Mahoney, Mommy Man

Thanks, surrogacy!

The New York Times ran a feature story on surrogacy on today’s front page, and I’m left wondering, as I often do when this topic makes news, what most people are taking away from the story. The article reminds us repeatedly that “commercial surrogacy” (the term for a pregnancy in which a surrogate is compensated, as opposed to “altruistic surrogacy”, in which she is not) is illegal in most of the world. The writer also references some horrifying stories about intended parents abandoning their surrogates and their offspring or contracting multiple surrogates simultaneously with the intention of giving some of the babies produced up for adoption or aborting whichever fetuses don’t meet their exacting standards. They’re mostly unverified anecdotes, the kind of thing that makes most of us who had wonderful experiences with surrogacy shudder and then think, “Hmmm… really?” But I won’t deny that there are some legitimate horror stories out there.

MommyManCoverThe problem, in my opinion, isn’t surrogacy itself. Everyone in my situation — my husband and me, our egg donor Susie, our surrogate Tiffany and our kids themselves — benefitted from the experience. No one was exploited and no one has any regrets. (This seems like a good spot for the obligatory shameless plug of my book, “Mommy Man: How I Went From Mild-Mannered Geek to Gay Superdad”, which tells my story in full.) Stories like mine are pretty common. The other parents I know who’ve grown their families through surrogacy all have similar experiences to relate.

That doesn’t mean we should ignore the potential for things to go wrong. Surrogacy remains largely unregulated, and as such, it’s conducted on kind of an honor system, the only true regulator being the consciences of those engaged in it. The honor system works because most people are honorable. Most college students know that cheating is wrong, and most people have enough respect for life and women’s bodies to treat surrogacy with the care and moral reverence it deserves.

The big difference between a college honor system and the one around surrogacy comes in the stakes. When college students break the honor system, the fallout is minimal. Now and then a cheater gets an A, but that barely cheapens the hard work of the majority who earned their grades legitimately. The stakes with a pregnancy, though, are much higher. No one wants to see even one woman exploited or one baby abandoned.

It’s time for the honor system surrounding surrogacy to end. The U.S. should be proud of the fact that we’re the destination of choice for people seeking surrogates from overseas, and we should lead the rest of the world by example by showing them how surrogacy should be conducted. There needs to be greater regulation of what’s become a big industry, in order to protect the rights and lay out the responsibilities of intended parents, surrogates, clinics and surrogacy agencies alike.

Just a few thoughts…

Surrogates and egg donors need to be fully informed of the medical and psychological risks they’ll be undertaking. Surrogacy isn’t for everyone, and no one should feel like they’ve been coaxed into it against their will. Likewise, all potential surrogates and egg donors should be screened medically and psychologically to make sure that they’re fit for what the procedures entail.

There should be limits placed on embryo transfers. Intended parents should accept that surrogate pregnancies, like any other, carry certain risks. Just because you’re not carrying a baby yourself, you don’t get off easy when it comes to the big ethical issues that pregnancy sometimes raises.

Surrogates and intended parents should have detailed, enforceable contracts. Before they ever enter into an agreement together, surrogates and intended parents should discuss every potential issue that may arise during pregnancy and make sure they would agree on how to handle it. One of the more common horror stories you hear about surrogacy arises when the fetus develops a birth defect and the intended parents want to terminate the pregnancy, but the surrogate doesn’t. In those cases, the surrogate and the parents should never have gone forward together. This is one of the reasons I highly recommend anyone pursuing surrogacy go through a legitimate agency. In my book, I complain a lot about the agency my husband and I used, but one thing they did right was to make sure our surrogate was a good match for us.

There are people arguing that surrogacy should be made illegal, and that breaks my heart, because I owe my family to the process and to all the people who helped us through it. So many wonderful families are created through surrogacy, and so many women have had their lives enriched by becoming surrogates.

We all know there are unethical people out there on every side of this phenomenon — intended parents, clinics, surrogacy agencies and even surrogates themselves. Exploitation does occur, some stories don’t have happy endings, and it’s only a matter of time before a major horror story leaves us all shaking our heads. Let’s not let that happen.

This is an important issue. Let’s keep talking about it, and let’s acknowledge that if surrogacy is kept safe, legal and regulated, there will be a lot more stories like mine, a lot less cause for concern and a lot less fearmongering, legitimate or otherwise.