Today is Staff Appreciation Day. Or Administrative Professional’s Day. It’s not Secretary’s Day.

I’m glad. I don’t like to think of myself as a secretary, but I definitely want my boss to give me stuff.

Of course, he doesn’t give me stuff. I did get a crisp $50 bill from the firm itself, which was nice, but this firm is very big, and everyone got that. I doubt my boss even knew they gave them out. Most people also got something from their boss. But not me. I felt appreciated by the firm, but not by my boss.

The only time he gave me anything — I got zilch for my birthday and zilch for the last Staff Appreciation Day — was for Christmas. He gave me one of those travel toiletry kits you put your toothbrush in when you go on a trip. It was leather and it was from Coach, so it was probably expensive, and since I’m such a nice guy, I pretended to like it.

I didn’t like it, of course. Who wants a damn toiletry kit? And who wants a leather one? The rest of my luggage isn’t leather. That damn toothbrush bag cost more than any other suitcase I own. And if you’re going to spend that much money on something, why not on something cool, like an MP3 player?

The a friend told me that Coach gives those toiletry bags away for free when you make a large purchase. Lo and behold, my boss gives me his receipts for his expense reports. He spent over $1,000 at Coach buying gifts for clients.

The toiletry bag wasn’t on the receipt.

I assume that’s because he didn’t have to pay for it.

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