FRIENDSTER

Fine, fine. I joined Friendster.

Hey, I like to keep up with the trends. Friendster’s all the rage, right?

I’m not looking to date, I don’t really need any new friends, and I doubt it’ll lead to any new business contacts (which I really could use), but it’ll be a fun, harmless way to waste time on the internet, right?

Except…

Already, I have friend envy. So far, just seven little pictures stare back from my “My Friends” box. Everybody else has so many more! Who else can I invite? I invited half my contact list. Why aren’t they responding? Will people really think I have only seven friends in the world? I swear there are others! They just don’t have the time or computer skills for something like this.

I kinda know some of my friends’ friends. Should I invite them just to beef up my profile? Or would that seem desperate?

I wait impatiently all day for the testimonials to pour in. Some people have dozens of those things. It’s hard to get someone to write some unsolicited piece of ass-kissing fluff about you. If these titans of testimonials really got dozens of people to do it, those people must be REALLY good friends.

And then there’s my profile. I still haven’t found enough clever things to say. I scour other people’s profiles looking for things to poach. Hey, there’s someone who put Blue’s Clues as a favorite TV show! They sound so cool. Can I steal that, or will they know I stole it and and think I’m superlame?

CURSE YOU, FRIENDSTER!