Most filmmakers spend months and even years trying to make their scripts good before filming them. But if you’re not concerned with the quality of your movies, apparently, you have lots of free time to give people diseases.

There are few movies in my lifetime I’ve hated as much as Buffalo 66, and now everyone’s saying that was the good Vincent Gallo movie. What a shame. He may never recapture that magic again.

So just for kicks, he’s having a feud with Roger Ebert. I’m not a big fan of Ebert’s lately, either — you know, since he started giving thumbs-up to every piece of crap that gets released and since, of all the film critics in the world, he decided he respected the critical acumen of Richard Roeper above all others. So normally, I’d be in full favor of some petty repartee between these two, except for a few factors which make this an extremely sad and uncomfortable affair:

  1. Gallo is clearly outmatched in the intellect department

  2. Ebert is clearly outmatched in the crazy department

  3. Every article about their feud is only two links away — max — from a reminder that, in the final scene of Gallo’s universally-reviled movie “Brown Bunny”, Chloe Sevigny performs fellatio on him

  4. Neither making a bad movie nor being a bad critic, annoying as both may be, is a crime…

    and, oh yeah…

  5. Ebert has cancer

I wish a speedy recovery to them both.

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