WHAT ELSE, JERRY, WHAT ELSE?

Here’s some other stuff that happened this weekend while I was in Vegas:

• I played poker in a casino for the first time. It was terrifying at first, doing stupid newbie things like not realizing it was my turn to bet and saying, “How much do I need to put in?” and “Am I supposed to turn my cards over now?” and wondering whether my flush beat another guy’s straight. (I wisely chose to keep my confusion on that point to myself and was was quite happy when the dealer finally pushed the big pile of chips my way.) But by the end, I was winning some big hands and getting cocky about it, rolling my eyes at the newbies doing stupid things, like the guy in the sunglasses who was trying to bluff a guy who clearly had four kings. I mean, really, how stupid can you get?
  

• I played poker again, four hours later, in the same casino, and some of the same people were still at the table playing. It made me a little sad. They were a little drunker now, but surprisingly they played better and raised more, and I lost a bundle the second time around. My proudest moment: winning an $8 pot by bluffing everyone else out of the running. My saddest moment: losing a $60-ish pot to a guy who was bluffing (he had jack squat but scared me into bowing out with three aces — okay, I stink).
  

• Back in LA, Drew went out drinking with some guy named Joel who was visiting from out of town. Drew proceeded to get more wasted with Joel than he has since I’ve known him, danced at Rage, which he hasn’t done since I’ve known him, and called me at 1:48AM as he was stumbling home. He text messaged me a few hours later to say that he didn’t remember making that call or getting home. It turns out Joel dropped him off a few blocks away from his apartment and made him walk the rest of the way home, something Drew was clearly in no condition to do. I’ve never met Joel, but Drew assures me he’s a swell guy. Riiiiiight. Message to Joel: I am no fan of yours, Sir. FEAR ME.
  

• I went swimming in a pool for the first time in about ten years. It was fun.
  

• Eric’s fiancee and her female friends went to see “The Thunder From Down Under”, a Chippendales-type show with Australian hunks stripping and dancing and pouring water on themselves for shrieking horny women. I didn’t tell anyone that I had already seen this show. (Janice dragged me there. It was mortifying.) When I overheard the girls describing a trick one of the guys pulled with an audience member’s beer bottle, I had to stop myself from saying, “Oh, yeah, he does that every night.”
  

• Drew tried to surprise me by doing my laundry for me. He tossed a new, bright red $5 t-shirt in with my whites (which I’ve warned him not to do) and turned everything a dull shade of pink, destroying the entire load. He then went on a shopping spree trying to replace everything, and even called a bunch of J.Crew stores looking for any that still stocked my favorite shirt, to no avail.
  

• There was a huge thunderstorm in Vegas and when we left the restaurant where we ate dinner, it was pouring rain.
  

• Drew saw Freddy vs. Jason with Gregg and spotted Efram Potelle from Project Greenlight in the audience.
  

• Somebody told Julie that the guys went to Cheetah’s (which I guess was supposed to be a secret) on Saturday night. Others suspect the squealer was Shoulderbag Guy, but I’ll bet it was Closeted Homosexual Married Guy.
  

• Drew found my favorite ice cream flavor, Kodiak Island Fudge, which was discontinued by Ralph’s a few months ago, now being sold as a Pavillion’s brand. He bought two half gallons. It made up for the laundry.