On Tuesday night, I went with Drew, Victoria and Gavin* to see a showcase-type thing called “Mortified” in which people read aloud from various things they had written when they were teenagers. We all agreed that the best ones were the woman who shared her diary of the three and a half months she spent in England and the guy who made notes on how to do Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” dance. Overall, it was a very entertaining show, and if you live in LA, they’re doing a few more, so you should definitely check it out.

But here’s the weird part. After the show, we were hanging out outside the theater and we all wanted to tell the show’s creator/director how much we enjoyed it. It just so happens Drew knows him (Drew knows everyone), so he introduced us. We complimented the guy and exchanged nice-nice for a minute or so, then he invited over a woman whom he introduced as his girlfriend.

Okay, perfectly natural. So we’re talking to both of them, and then she invites a guy over and introduces him as her boyfriend, Drew. (Not to be confused with my one-and-only boyfriend, also named Drew.) And then the show creator, his girlfriend and her boyfriend all continued talking to us as if this was all perfectly normal.

As soon as we got in our car to leave, it was the first thing we talked about. Was someone lying? Or had someone maybe used “girlfriend” and “boyfriend” in a more casual sense than it seemed? Or perhaps this was some weird new form of urban polyandry we would soon read about in all the trend-setting magazines…?

As the one with a connection to the guy, we sent Drew to investigate, and he fired off an email to the apparent woman-sharer (mad props to Drew for having the guts to write this):

so, the big topic of conversation on the ride home:
“when [guy’s name] introduced us to that woman, didn’t he say, ‘this is my girlfriend…’?”
i reply, “yes, i think he did.”
so we were totally confused when she, in turn, turned to the guy next to her and said, “this is my boyfriend, drew.”
i think we were all kind of floored — like maybe you were some sort of a Mormon or something.
but if we worked it out correctly, we think the woman you introduced us to last night was your girlfriend’s best friend…who happens to be dating a guy in a green shirt named Drew. right? close?
i think you said your girlfriend had known the other girl since grammar school or something, but since we hadn’t been completely trashed during the show, we still were a little baffled.

[Note: Nobody said any such things about grammar school when I was around. I think Drew was being overly polite and diplomatic and hoping to give him an easy out to an awkward inquiry. You might say Drew didn’t want him to become “mortified”.]

So this is the response Drew got in return:

Sorry to disappoint. This hebe is definitely not a mormon. That girl was actually my girlfriend’s twin sister (they’ll be performing a song written in 6th grade next week). Please alert the gossip hounds as to my mundane sexual lifestyle.
I just read your email aloud to my girlfriend. She died laughing at the thought of you guys debating in the car ride.”

Twin sister? Okay, well, thanks. That clears everything up. No, wait. It makes things twice as confusing. Huh?!?!?!?

So did he mistake the sister for his girlfriend? If so, wouldn’t she have corrected him rather than accept the “girlfriend” label? (i.e., “I’m not Tina, I’m Mina!”) Why would his girlfriend die laughing at the news that her boyfriend couldn’t even tell her apart from her sister? Or if he’s not admitting to mixing them up, how does he explain why he called her his “girlfriend”? We heard “girlfriend”. Does he call both twins his “girlfriend”? And what did he mean “hebe”? Can we trust someone who misspells his own self-deprecating racial slurs?

I guess this is just one of those mysteries for the ages.

* This marks Gavin’s first official appearance in the blog, a moment he has long hungered for and simultaneously feared. See, I didn’t bash you, did I, Gavin? Welcome aboard!


  1. I know this is some serious necroposting (I’m on an archive binge, reading everything chronologically, and let me say I don’t get your shame about your earlier writing), but polyamory HAS been around for a while, you know… probably there was no twin sister, they just didn’t feel like having to justify their lives to everyone who thinks they’re entitled to an explanation. It may not have been your attitude, but after enduring so much of that, polyamorous people tend to get a little jaded 😉

    It’s frustrating enough nowadays, I can only imagine a decade ago! (I was too deep in the closet for that to be an issue back then)

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