ANOTHER DAMN SURVIVOR POST

Is anyone else getting annoyed at how CBS is falsely teasing Survivor episodes? Just look at a couple of things promised to us by the official CBS website for last night’s episode:

Andrew and Ryan go in search of a good fishing spot, but instead they find themselves in a dangerous situation: lost in the jungle without water.

This is true only up to the comma. Yes, Andrew and Ryan went looking for a good fishing spot. Then they misread the map and ended up in a bad fishing spot. That’s it. They were never really lost. Trying to make a story out of nothing, Burnett added a cheesy insert shot of an apparently nearly-empty canteen (footage that was probably shot sometime last week) as well as a comment from Andrew that leaving camp without adequate water wasn’t the brightest idea. They don’t seem to have been the least bit dehydrated. They were never in any danger, nor were they in the jungle. And the whole thing was never resolved. The show cut away from this storyline, then the next time we saw Andrew and Ryan, they were back with the tribe.

Lubricated by whiskey, one Survivor creates a spectacle at a Tribal Council that is not to be missed.

Did anyone else see a drunken spectacle? I sure didn’t. Sure, Burnett wanted a drunken spectacle. Probst even tried to nudge Jon into creating one by acting like Jon had said something terribly offensive about his tribemates (in actuality, it was the same kind of vague response everyone gives to Probst’s questions at TC). The sad truth is, Jon’s a lame drunk. He’s one of those drunks who, when he gets drunk, just sits there with a moronic grin on his face thinking about how drunk he is. He’s more fun when he’s his usual annoying sober self.

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In other reality TV news: this was probably announced ages ago, but there’s going to be another “Celebrity Mole”. This one’s called “Celebrity Mole: Yucatan”. (Ooh, Yucatan! How exotic!) It gets worse. The cast will be made up of Ananda Lewis, Mark Curry, Angie Everhart, Tracy Gold, Keisha Knight-Pulliam and Dennis Rodman. Hey, I like Rudy Huxtable as much as the next guy, but would anyone watch anything because any of those celebrities were on it? Six random strangers off the street would be just as telegenic and way more interesting than this cast. Oh, and Stephen Baldwin and Corbin Bernsen are back. Notice I didn’t say “by popular demand”. Ditto Ahmad Rashad. Ditto no “popular demand”. No air date yet.

Further evidence that you can ruin any good TV show by putting the word “Celebrity” in front of it.

(Oh, Anderson, I miss you…)