APPRECIATION

Wednesday, 10:30 AM:

BOSS: I need you to fax this Agreement You Don’t Give a Crap About to Annoying Jerk Who Calls All the Time.

J: Okay.

Wednesday, 3:05 PM:

B: Did you fax Agreement You Don’t Give a Crap About to Annoying Jerk Who Calls All the Time?

J: Yes. This morning.

B: I don’t think you ever gave it back to me.

J: Yes I did. It’s in your inbox.

B: Oh. Okay. Hey, I also need you to messenger this Crappy Christmas Gift to Pampered Client first thing tomorrow morning.

J: I won’t be here tomorrow morning.

B: Then do it tomorrow as soon as you get in.

J: I won’t be hear at all tomorrow.

B: Are you out the rest of the week?

J: Yeah.

B: Next week, too?

J: Uh, yeah. We talked about this a month ago when I requested the time off. I marked it on your calend–

B: Is someone covering your desk?

J: Yeah, there’s a temp coming.

B: Shit, I didn’t get your Christmas gift yet.

J: It’s okay.

B: Shit.

J: Really, don’t worry about it.

Wednesday, 5:02 PM:

B: My wife just ran to the mall to get your gift, so–

J: You really don’t have to–

B: Don’t leave till she gets here.

J: Great.

B: Hey, where’s Agreement You Don’t Give a Crap About?

J: In your inbox.

B: Okay, I probably just have to look for it.

J: Yes.

Wednesday, 5:20 PM:

B: Can you come in here please?

J: (Deep sigh)

B (big fake smile): Happy Holidays!

BOSS’ WIFE: Happy holidays, Jerry!

J: You really didn’t have to.

BW: We wanted to get you something to show we appreciate everything you do.

She hands Jerry a nicely-wrapped box from Tiffany. Jerry’s sense of dread rises.

BW: If you don’t like it, that’s okay. But I really think you’ll like it!

Jerry unwraps the box and discovers the most expensive keyring ever created by humankind, which his brother-in-law will later look up online and discover is worth $125.

J: Oh, it’s great.

BW: For your keys!

J: I have plenty of keys.

B: Happy holidays.

J: You, too. Bye.

Thursday, 5:17 AM:

Jerry’s phone rings. Jerry doesn’t answer it.

Thursday, 5:45 AM:

Jerry plays back his answering machine messages.

B: Hey, sorry to call so early, but I don’t think you ever gave me back Agreement You Don’t Give a Crap About. Could you leave me a message at the office and tell me where I can find it? Happy Holidays.

Saturday, 1:30 PM:

Jerry still hasn’t called him back.