I couldn’t be more excited that West Hollywood is finally getting its own Target and Best Buy, a mere five minutes from my apartment. (No more driving to Culver City for me!) And I couldn’t have been more excited than I was last night to attend a sneak preview pre-opening shopping night at Target for charity. I’ve been waiting for this for two years, driving past the construction site on a regular basis and watching the achingly slow process through which a junky old car wash and vacant lot turned into a sparkling new shopping complex. (Seriously, could I be lamer? No… seriously.)

Sandra Bernhard was the emcee, meaning Drew got to see two of his idols within a week. The Target dog was there, being walked around the store by some guy who looked like a Teamster. And there was lots of Target-themed (i.e., cheap) food available for snacking. I especially enjoyed the cookies-on-a-stick with red and white targets drawn on them in icing. All the aisles were neatly stocked, and you could tell what other people had been buying by the few gaps on the shelves. Look, someone picked up some Herbal Essence! The bathroom was a sparkling oasis of porcelain that had yet to be splattered, soiled or otherwise unholied. I even pulled the lever on the paper towel dispenser with my hand, rather than using my elbow as I normally do in public bathrooms. New Target knew no germs!

I was a total goon, snapping pictures with my camera whenever I could get up the nerve to look like the kind of guy who’d take pictures at a thing like this. (Trust me, it’s a night I’ll remember forever, however sad that may be.) I tried to ignore the severely undersized parking lot, the fact that the shopper-clogged aisles were almost impossible to navigate even with this reduced crowd, and the fact that we really could’ve used this place during the grocery strike, which, wouldn’t ya know it, just ended three stinking days ago. Nothing else in the complex was open yet, and the Best Buy looked at least a few weeks away from completion. I can only imagine the crowds who will flood the West Hollywood Gateway (as my Heaven is formally known) when it officially opens, how impossible it will be to park, how big a headache I’ll get from the mere thought of going there.

For one night, it was everything my geeky little heart dreamed it would be.

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