WHINE COUNTRY

Tonight’s American Idol theme is country music. That’s all I need to post my picks. Expect lots of complaining, at least three renditions of “Crazy”, and more goofy footwork from J.P.L. (who I’m guessing will do either “Friends in Low Places” or “Boot Scoot Boogie” — but hey, those are just about the only country songs I know). And definitely expect me to fast forward past Steven Cojocaru’s fashion makeovers — ugh! Are they really calling him a “style expert”? Among people who outrank him as a style expert are Bobby Trendy, Jennifer Hudson’s sister, my grandma and (just barely) Carson from Queer Eye.

I also predict that John Stevens will do Johnny Cash, Diana will give the night’s strongest performance, LaToya will disappoint, Fantasia, even out of her element, will still be really great, and Matt Rogers will channel Garth Brooks in an embarrassingly over-the-top personal hoe-down and yet survive another week — damn him.

Bottom 3: George Huff, Camile Velasco (the night’s worst performance)

Sent packing: Jennifer Hudson (I like her, but her country will probably fall as flat as her “Imagine”.)