INTRODUCING THE ONE-WORD CRITIC

Today I begin a new feature on my sidebar, which I’m calling “One-Word Reviews”. Lots of movie critics painstakingly craft their long, poetically-worded critiques only to have them reduced to a one-word blurb in movie ads anyway, so why not cut out the middle man? My reviews come pre-blurbed, so quote away, ad-meisters!

The following are the guidelines I’ve set out for myself in what I hope to be an ongoing project:

1. I must review every movie I see.
   

2. Every review must contain only one word. (The “Duhhhhhh!” rule.)
   

3. Once a word has been used, I can never use it again in another review. Ever.
   

4. No cheating with hyphenates or made-up words, except in rare occasions when a made-up word is somehow more appropriate (e.g., “Pootie Tang”). (This rule is meant to discourage me from reviews like, “Sandler-ific!” and “Solondz-a-licious!” Trust me. I would. Oh, Lord, how I would.)
   

5. The word “Triumphant!” may not be used. Ever.
   

6. If I ever can’t come up with a word, or if I repeat a word I’ve already used, I must end this feature.

I’m kicking it all off with reviews of the last three movies I’ve seen. Take a peek to your right and check it out!