MY MIDDLE EASTERN ANGST BULLSHIT HAS A BODY COUNT

What is your damage, George W. Bush? Will somebody tell me why you invaded Iraq? Because you’re an idiot? Oh, yeah, that’s it. I have a myriad of problems with these pictures I’ve been seeing in US-fucking-A Today. Sexually perverse photography exhibits involving tennis racquets, people being fucked gently with chainsaws. The extreme always seems to make an impression.

I expect you’ll blame the usual targets: the MTV video games, another case of a geek trying to imitate the popular people and failing miserably, an uncaring and ununderstanding world. Well, save the speeches for Malcolm X. And stop trying to steer everyone toward that righteous dude who can solve their problems, Jesus Christ. You just call me when the shuttle lands.

Ideological wars are so ’87. You think that just because you started this thing, you can end it? No one can stop terrorism, not the FBI, the CIA, not you and Cheney. (I don’t really like your friends, either. Your administration seems to have an open door policy on assholes.)

I know you think our way is the way, that we scare people into not being terrorists. But “our way” is not our way. Our job is being popular and shit. I just want my country to be a nice place. If I were you, I’d take that military budget and give it all to the homeless, every cent.

And let me tell you something about Arabs, Mr. Voice of a Nation: all they want is to be treated like human beings, not to be experimented on like guinea pigs or patronized like bunny rabbits. It’s a real party continent. So you teach people how to spread democracy and fly? You’re beautiful.

You know what I want? Cowboys like you out of my life. Tomorrow, Tony Blair and Crown Prince Abdullah will be kissing your aerobicized ass, but tonight, let me dream of a world without you, a world where America is truly free.