A, E, I, O, U (AND SOMETIMES Y?)

A, E, I, O, U (AND SOMETIMES Y?)

A while ago, I introduced here the abbreviation “A&E”, which stands for “arrogant & entitled”, and which I vowed to use whenever someone annoyed me by exhibiting those characteristics in my general vicinity. Not surprisingly, living in L.A. gives me an opportunity to use this little bit of homemade slang on an almost daily basis. But lately, I’ve started to feel like it’s inadequate to capture all the things that bug me about the bad people. Oh, those bad people — you don’t know how much they bug me! Here’s a little anecdote from this weekend to illustrate:

On Saturday morning, Drew and I were hanging out at a coffee shop, which seems like a very L.A. thing to do, which is why we never do it, but what can I say, we did, and we were quickly reminded of why we shouldn’t. Soon after we sat down, a particular breed of L.A. denizen known to frequent coffee shops — whom I will call a “film geek” — entered the establishment and spotted a fellow film geek friend of his, typing out his screenplay on a powerbook.

Geek #1 approaches Geek #2 and immediately starts talking about the movie he saw last night, “The Village”. (Don’t worry, there won’t be any spoilers in this entry, though watch for my review soon…) It just so happened that Drew and I had already purchased tickets for an afternoon showing of this very same movie, and, as it was one of those movies rumored to center around the revelation of some mind-blowing twist, we had carefully avoided reading anything about it in order to preserve our enjoyment of the film. And we were seeing it opening weekend because we knew that some spoiler leakage was inevitable in the days ahead. (Fine, we’re film geeks, too.) But at this point, the movie had been out for only one day, so who’d be so obnoxious as to spoil it?

Well, Geek #1, that’s who. He began talking very loud, giving his detailed review of the film and basically recounting the entire plot. This put us in a tricky situation, and it was at this point that a very annoyed boyfriend of mine chose conflict avoidance and literally ran out of the coffee shop with his hands over his ears. I tried to stick it out, but the geek clearly wasn’t going to shut up until he ruined the entire movie, so I ran out to the sidewalk, too.

And we waited there, watching through the windows as we saw Geek #1 act out the movie in pantomime for the next five minutes, our stuff still trapped inside helplessly. Drew became angrier and angrier at the A&E on display, first thinking it was his right — then his duty — to complain to the geek and let him know the pain he’d caused us.

So when Geek #1 finished talking to Geek #2, we went back inside, and Drew told him, as politely as possible, that we had overheard the conversation and had to step outside because we were afraid we’d hear spoilers. You’d think a film geek might understand this, right? The geek’s response: “Oh.” And then he put his head down and went back to his latte and his screenplay.

No “sorry”, no “oops, I didn’t realize I was talking so loud”, no “don’t worry, it’s a piece of shit anyway”. Just “oh”.

A&E? Yes, but not the whole story. And out of this came a new acronym:

A, E, I, O, U

Arrogant. Entitled. Insensitive. Oblivious. Unmannered.

It’s a bit more rare to see all of these qualities on display at once, but congratulations, Film Geek #1, you earned the quintuple crown.

It seemed appropriate for there to be a “sometimes Y” in there, but we couldn’t think of one that worked. In this city, I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before it comes to us.

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