I hereby promise to quit bitching about all the poor, misguided fools drawn to this site searching for pictures of obscene billboards and spoilers about shark movies. Last week, they gave me my highest week of traffic ever — by far. But since I don’t pride myself on being a source of info for people who like to see ugly guys get hummers overlooking major metropolitan streets or people who can’t wait for release day to see if the shark gets it in the end, it was kind of a hollow, empty victory.

Well, yesterday, I got more hits than I got all last week. In one day. And I’ve nearly passed that total again today, and it’s only 7 a.m. I know nobody cares about traffic except the schmo who runs the site, but for this schmo, this represents something of a victory.

That’s because for a change, all these people are coming to read something I actually wrote. My post about the jerk at the coffee shop got linked by both LA.comfidential and Defamer, thus fulfilling a lifelong dream of mine. Yes, a lifelong dream, because I don’t know about you, but for me, life didn’t begin until Defamer came around. And they didn’t make fun of me (I think).

Of course, the flip side to all of this is that a bitter, mean-spirited post I expected a handful of people to read will now get read by hundreds, perhaps thousands, of LA dwellers, people who may actually know the creep. Right now, a conversation beginning with the words, “Dude, some guy’s totally ragging on you on his blog,” may be taking place somewhere in this city. Oops.

Well, a lesser blogger might back down at this point, but I say it’s time to step things up. Creep, if this gets back to you, I’d like an apology — and if I get one, I’ll print a full retraction and let everyone know you’re really a swell, misunderstood guy. I’ll even let you send in a picture if you found mine a bit unflattering. But beware: should you choose to stand your ground and assert your right to spoil movies loudly in coffeeshops and invade people’s personal space, I will renew my call for retaliation*.

In that case, you might want to find a new place to manage your iTunes — or there could be a lot of people sitting at your table next week.


* “Retaliation” to be limited to minor annoyances in the immediate vicinity of coffee shops. I repeat yet again: do NOT harm this man (or verbally abuse him).

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