IF I WAS INVISIBLE…

It’s makeover time.

Today, I heard the following words, spoken to me by someone I had just met:

“You know, you look just like Clay Aiken.”

What’s worse is that those words were preceded by these words:

“I’m sure you get this all the time, but…”

Uh, no, actually. First time.

And then, just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, those words were followed by these words:

“I mean, you look just like him! It’s uncanny!”

Okay. Stop now. Please.

But the more I protested, the more she insisted. The more I tried to explain that being compared to Clay was not a compliment, the more she assured me it was. “He’s really popular!” she said. “He has a huge following!” The one thing she didn’t say was that she herself thought Clay was attractive.

To me, celebrity comparisons are a tricky issue. If you’re going to draw a comparison, make sure it’s to someone people want to be compared to. Tell a woman she looks like Cindy Crawford and you’re probably safe. Tell her she looks like Roseanne and there’s a teensy chance you might hurt her feelings. (No offense, Roseanne — hey, you’ve got a big following, right?)

If there’s any doubt about whether your comparison will be taken as a compliment, keep it to yourself. There are billions of other possible conversation topics you could choose. Pick one of those instead. And if you’re completely unable to discern which topics are appropriate for general human interaction, then just stop talking.

Forever.

Seriously.

Thanks.

Okay, so I figured Clay was pretty firmly in society’s “do not compare” list, but maybe I’m wrong. So I could’ve forgiven her initial comment, massive insecurity-exposing blow to the ego that it was. What I can’t forgive was her inability to let the subject drop and allow me to escape with some dignity. Several hours later, she was still calling over strangers and saying, “Doesn’t he look like Clay Aiken?”

Thankfully, no one else saw it. (Or at least they were kind enough to pretend they didn’t.)

She’s clearly an idiot. As to the other topic, you be the judge: