MOVE OVER, JEANE DIXON

I thought it was weird when I saw this article on Defamer, which linked to this article on MSNBC, which referenced an article in the Globe, which said that former American Idol contestant Corey Clark, the kid who got tossed off the show way back in season two for abusing his sister, was threatening to expose details of a supposed sexual relationship he supposedly had with Paula Abdul.

It was weird to me because I remembered when these allegations first surfaced two years ago. Why was it being reported now like it was fresh news?

So when Drew got home, I asked him about it: “Did you see that story on Defamer about Corey Clark? He’s claiming he had sex with Paula Abdul.”

“Shut up!” he said. “It did not say that!”

“Yes it did. I just don’t get it. That story’s like two years old.”

“Uh, no it’s not,” Drew insisted. “Shut up, you’re kidding, right?”

“No, I’m sure of it. I distinctly remember hearing about it.”

“But you’re kidding. Please tell me you’re kidding.”

“What are you talking about?”

“That didn’t actually happen! That was your April Fool’s joke!”

Stunned silence.

I had to think about it for a minute. Maybe I was in denial, or maybe I was expecting the sky to open up and the final act of NBC’s Revelations miniseries to play out in my living room. Rarely have I been so freaked out.

See, it was my April Fool’s joke… two years ago. (Scroll halfway down the post and cue the “Twilight Zone” theme music.)

I don’t know what’s scarier, that I’ve ceased to be able to distinguish my April Fool’s jokes from reality… or that they’ve started to come true.

Okay, definitely the latter.

You’d better believe I’ll be waiting for further details to emerge. If Corey starts calling Paula a “predator” and saying she has “ugly dogs”, the end is nigh.

And if you see me carting a little Chinese girl to kindergarten in the near future, don’t be surprised.