We’ve come to realize that, by naming our daughter Sutton, we’ve inadvertently given her perhaps the most fool-proof gaydar yet invented.  When we tell people her name, we get one of two instant reactions.

1. “What?  Sullivan?  Susan?  Saffron?”  Basically, they’re saying, “I must’ve misheard you, because what you said didn’t sound like a name.  Here’s a list of actual girl’s names I’ve heard of, so please pick one of these.”

The other version of this is when people realize we’ve said something that they’re unfamiliar with, so they spit out a string of cockamamie non-names hoping to come close.  “Pardon?  Suffman?  Farfon?  Suzzington?”  They’re thinking, “Geez, the stuff people come up with these days.  Who knows what the hell this poor girl’s name might be?”

In either case, we can then conclude that the person we are talking to is STRAIGHT.

Now play along and see if you can determine the sexuality of the person who gives reaction #2.

2. “Oh, like Sutton Foster!”

Yes, this gentleman is GAY.

For the record, no, we didn’t name our daughter after Ms. Foster exactly, but yes, being gay, we were well aware of her work.

I hope this saves our Sutton much frustration in her future dating life.  Lots of girls want to marry a guy just like Dad.  Well, hopefully, not ours.  Marry a straight guy, sweetheart.  Please, please, please.

Unless you’d rather marry a woman, which is great, too, but unfortunately, your name won’t be much help in sorting those out.

5 comments on “Gaydar

  1. I didn’t say it at the time, but it was exactly what I was thinking when I met your kids two weeks ago. But you know, I LOVE her.

    No Hunter? Was it because it evokes hunting? I might hesitate for that reason.

    Enjoying your blog, Jerry. Hope the family is well.

    • We may not have discussed her, Joe, but I would’ve guessed you loved Sutton Foster. 🙂

      Nothing against Hunter, but it’s clear who got the gayfection in that family. (Gay affection? Did that work?)

      Thanks for being my new blog’s first comment!

  2. I am so excited about your new blog. I love reading all your work-it makes me laugh and cry. I especially enjoy, of course, your B&S stories. Thanks, Jerry, you are an entertaining and talented writer and an even more talented Dad! I am so proud of you.

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