We’ve come to realize that, by naming our daughter Sutton, we’ve inadvertently given her perhaps the most fool-proof gaydar yet invented. When we tell people her name, we get one of two instant reactions.
1. “What? Sullivan? Susan? Saffron?” Basically, they’re saying, “I must’ve misheard you, because what you said didn’t sound like a name. Here’s a list of actual girl’s names I’ve heard of, so please pick one of these.”
The other version of this is when people realize we’ve said something that they’re unfamiliar with, so they spit out a string of cockamamie non-names hoping to come close. “Pardon? Suffman? Farfon? Suzzington?” They’re thinking, “Geez, the stuff people come up with these days. Who knows what the hell this poor girl’s name might be?”
In either case, we can then conclude that the person we are talking to is STRAIGHT.
Now play along and see if you can determine the sexuality of the person who gives reaction #2.
2. “Oh, like Sutton Foster!”
Yes, this gentleman is GAY.
For the record, no, we didn’t name our daughter after Ms. Foster exactly, but yes, being gay, we were well aware of her work.
I hope this saves our Sutton much frustration in her future dating life. Lots of girls want to marry a guy just like Dad. Well, hopefully, not ours. Marry a straight guy, sweetheart. Please, please, please.
Unless you’d rather marry a woman, which is great, too, but unfortunately, your name won’t be much help in sorting those out.