I’ve always intended to reply individually to everyone who comments on my blog. I’m grateful anyone takes the time to read what I write, let alone offer their feedback. And one of the best things about blogging is getting to interact with readers, whenever I’m lucky enough to have any.
And then… this happened.
I got Freshly Pressed by WordPress, linked on AfterElton and Towleroad, promoted on Reddit, tweeted on Twitter and shared on Facebook, as well as a lot of people’s own blogs. The last two days have been astounding, watching my hit count set new records, then break them over again, feeling my phone buzz every 30 seconds or so to alert me to a new email and reading so many wonderful, thoughtful and hilarious comments from people who connected to something I wrote. It’s the kind of experience a blogger dreams of having.
… every time they post something.
So please keep coming back!
And now let’s go do this for the next lucky blogger. It sure was fun.
I was still hoping to respond to everybody, but at this point, it would take me days, I would run out of interesting things to say and I would use up the time I would’ve been spending working on other posts.
So forgive me if I offer this blanket response instead. If I didn’t address you directly, I apologize. Once this craziness dies down, I hope to go back to my policy of replying to everyone.
Until then, I offer these blanket responses to the 8 kinds of people who commented on my post:
1.5ers. Some supportive people very kindly asked whether there might be a category between #1 (New BFFs) and #2 (Jaded Allies), something more flattering perhaps? Yes, of course there is, but let me also say there’s nothing wrong with being a #1 or a #2. Until there are more gay dads in more parts of the world, lots of perfectly well-meaning people will remain self-conscious in their reactions, and that’s why they may act a little silly sometimes. I’m grateful for any type of support, be it muted or overenthusiastic, so no matter where you fall on the spectrum, you’re cool with me.
Other gay dads. I was very relieved that my peers, no matter where they lived, seemed to have similar experiences to mine. A few have met the Moral Crusaders, unfortunately, but mostly, people feel supported even in the most politically conservative places. I was really hoping this blog would introduce me to other gay dads, so I hope you’ll all come back and visit.
“I totally related to that, even though I’m not gay!” people. I loved getting these comments, because I never expected my post would resonate so much with interracial couples, single moms, adoptive parents, co-parents, bisexuals, transsexuals, childless gays, wiccans, pagans or anyone who feels a little different. It made me really happy to hear from all of you, and now that that’s out of the way, can I be your new BFF?
Other nice people. Lots of people wrote just to say “great post” or to compliment my writing or tell me I made them laugh. You guys are welcome back any time. And to my self-described “stalker” who said she’s now following me in every way possible, I think you forgot to “like” me on Facebook. Please get on it!
International readers. I have international readers?! COOOOL! Thank you so much for sharing your perspectives. I’m fascinated by how LGBT people are treated throughout the world, and I hope someday, everyone will feel as fulfilled and accepted as I have.
The overwhelming majority fell into those categories, but there were just a couple of others I’d like to address…
People who called me a hypocrite. How dare I label people?, they demanded. Aren’t I asking not to be labeled myself? Um, no. Not at all. In fact, I do label myself, as a gay dad. I did it in the subject line, before I labeled anyone else. But wait!, someone said. Is that all there is to me? Am I just a gay dad? Why am I “in your face” about that particular part of who I am, when surely there’s so much more to me? Well, if you think I’m in your face, please back away from your computer. No, I don’t think “gay dad” says all you need to know about me, or this site would consist only of those two words. Instead, I have a blog where I write endlessly (and admittedly narcissistically) about myself. If you want to know more about me than the fact that I’m a gay dad, I encourage you to read to your heart’s content.
“Love the sinners, hate the sin” people. It’s fine to “love the sinner, hate the sin” if that’s really what you’re doing, but once you tell me that that’s what you’re doing, you’re not doing it anymore. You’re judging me quite openly, and I find it rude. If that’s how your god wants you to behave, then swell, you two can high-five each other over it someday. “Hey, guy who comments on blogs! Way to go with that gay dude!” Until then, I’d prefer you do me the favor of becoming a Closet Homophobe. If you can’t tell me you love me and respect me as a human being without also telling me in the same breath that I’m going to Hell, then please just smile and walk away, thanks.
And before anyone cries “persecution”, I never said or implied that all Christians were homophobic, confrontational or judgmental. I know tons of wonderful, open-minded people of all faiths, many who’ve even been new BFFs. If you feel persecuted, it’s not because you’re Christian. It’s more likely because you’re an a**hole.
The person who considers surrogacy to be the moral equivalent of slavery. Well, hi, I’m sorry you feel that way, but if you’re curious to know more about surrogacy, you’ve come to the right place. If you’re interested, I’d recommend this post I wrote on the topic. It sheds some light on why my partner and I chose that route. But really, I think you’d be better off talking to our surrogate about her reasons for doing what she did. Let me know if you’re interested and I’ll unchain her from my cotton gin so you two can hang.
Thanks for reading, everyone. I’ll be back tomorrow with a regular post.