I Know Nothing About… Potty Training

Sure, but not always where you want them to.

Nothing shocked me more about parenthood than how fast I became desensitized to my children’s feces.  Having twins meant dealing with poop about a squijillion times a day.  It wasn’t long before I could wipe their butts as cheerily as I could mix their formula or play peek-a-boo.  We’d be out at a restaurant when I’d smell one of their tiny dumps, and I’d just shrug it off.  I’ll change them when I get home, I figured, and then, while the scent crept in and out of my nostrils, I’d merrily shove another fistful of waffle fries through my yammer.

One day I found a not insignificant smear of poop on my shirt, hours after the last time I’d changed the kids.  We’d just come back from a long walk.  Oh well.  No biggie.  People probably thought it was chocolate.

I’m not saying I’m proud of any of this.  In fact, Pre-Parenthood Me would be rightly horrified by who I’ve become.  I always figured I’d potty train the kids as soon as they could crawl.  “There’s the bathroom, Buster.  It’s your problem now!”

Turns out, that’s not too realistic.

We bought the kids their first potty when they were 18 months old.  “That’s where you’re going to pee and poo!” we’d say, and we’d all scream our heads off from excitement.  “Hooray!!!”

“Where are you going to pee and poo?” we’d ask.

“The potty!!!” they’d cheer.

“Do you want to go there now?”


It was an Elmo potty, and after you used it, you could high-five Elmo and he’d say something like, “Way to go, dude!”  But you didn’t have to sit on the potty to get Elmo to talk.  He’d congratulate you either way.  For months, Elmo told my kids what an awesome job they were doing, when their bare butts had never once touched his pristine rim.

Not that I blame them for not using an Elmo potty.  We were asking them to do some pretty gross things to their hero.  Does Tom Cruise shit on the image of L. Ron Hubbard?  Well, who knows actually.  Scientologists are freaking nuts.

By the time my kids were two and a half, the Elmo potty was just another forgotten toy, something to step over on the way toward unrolling a full spool of toilet paper when Daddy wasn’t looking.  Nobody high-fived him anymore.  Nobody even thought about peeing or pooping on him.  We decided to reboot the entire potty training process.

For Round 2, they each got their own potty — a pink one for Sutton, a blue one for Bennett.  We put their names on them, because they could recognize their names now.  I gave them a bunch of stickers and let them each decorate their potty however they wanted.  It was a fun five-minute activity at a time when the kids needed something new to do every five minutes.

The excitement about the potties was back.

“What are you going to do in the potty?”

“Pee and poo!!!”



“Do you want to pee and poo there now?”


We decided to ramp up the incentives a bit.  We got sticker charts with Dora the Explorer on them.  Each chart had rows for five different activities — pulling down your own pants, sitting on the potty, peeing on the potty, flushing the pee down the toilet and washing your hands.  Poop, I guess, earned double stickers.  The point was moot.  The kids would check off the first two categories and be happy enough with those two stickers that they didn’t need the rest.

So we found a Big Prize.  We bought wall decals to put in their room — Dora for Sutton, Thomas the Train for Bennett.  They could have them as soon as they filled up the chart with stickers.

“Can I have the decals now?”

“No, you have to be able to go on the potty first.  Do you want to try now?”

“No.”  They shrugged and walked away.

“But don’t you want the wall decals?  Hello?  Hello?”

We added more incentive.  M&Ms!  (I know, using food as a bribe sends the wrong message, but hey, I was desperate.)

Finally, we had our first triumphs.  Any time I reminded Bennett about the M&Ms and dragged him to the toilet, he would sit there for a minute and squeeze out what he could.  “I’m done!” he’d say proudly.

Drew and I would act like we’d just landed a Mars rover.  “OH MY GOD!  YOU DID IT!  I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!  YOU’RE SUCH A BIG BOY!  WOW WOW WOW!”

“Now can I have my M&Ms?” he’d ask.

Sutton wouldn’t even make an attempt.  If there was an incentive big enough to get her to go on the potty, we never found it.  And we tried.

“They’ll go when they’re ready,” people would assure us, so we didn’t pressure them too much.

“My kid came to me one day and told me she wanted to use the potty,” friends would say.  “Then we never looked back.”

“How old was she?”

“Um… a little over 2.”

By then, my kids had turned 3.  “Don’t worry,” people said.  “No one accepts their high school diploma wearing a diaper.”

I don’t know why my kids have been so resistant.  Maybe it’s harder to train them because they’re twins.  Maybe my kids are exceptionally stubborn.  Maybe I’m just bad at this.  I’m guessing it’s some combination of all three.

They start preschool this week, and they’re supposed to be trained when they get there.  So two weeks ago, I decided to go hard-core.  I’m a professional parent, I decided.  This is my job, and I take pride in it.  There’s no excuse for me not to get this done.

I found a website that promised to potty train kids in 3 days.  I was hoping it was a camp I could send them away to, but unfortunately, it was just an ebook written by some woman who claimed to be an expert on the subject.  I paypalled her $25 and downloaded her PDF.

I’m going to save you $25, because here’s her method in a nutshell:

  • Throw out your diapers, and put your kid immediately in underpants.
  • Stay home.
  • Pump the kids full of juice.
  • Remind the kids every five seconds that they should go to the potty when they have to pee or poop.
  • Catch them just as they’re having their accidents and run them into the bathroom.
  • Give lots of encouragement and praise.
  • Repeat until the kid starts going to the bathroom on his or her own.

By the end of the third day, she promised, all kids “get it”.

I followed her instructions.  I’d see my kids dancing around, trying to hold their bladders, and I’d remind them to go to the potty when they needed to.

“I don’t have to,” they’d assure me.

Two minutes later, they’d burst.  “Uh-oh,” they’d say.  “Daddy, I peed.”


I’d pick the kid up and now, instead of being concentrated in one puddle, their pee would leave a trail all the way through our house.

“That’s OK,” I’d say when we finally reached the bathroom and it was all done.  “Next time we just need to get there sooner.”  Then, I’d get down on my knees with a roll of paper towels and a bottle of Windex and spend 10 minutes cleaning while they went back to playing with their toys.  Inevitably, around minute 5, the other kid would have an accident, and now, I’d have to run them through the house, splashing through all the pee puddles from the last kid while making a second trail that I’d soon have to clean up.

This was not fun for any of us.

The kids would scream and cry whenever I picked them up.  They would refuse to sit on the potty, even if they were still peeing when we got to the bathroom.  They never “got it”.

Sutton actually liked getting wet, not because she enjoyed the feeling, but because it meant she got to change into another one of her outfits.  If she had enough accidents, she could go through her entire wardrobe in one day.  Potty training made my little girl into Cher.

Still, the process was taking its toll.  The first night of potty training, Sutton woke up screaming and saying there were monsters in her room.  She’d never seen monsters before, never even had a nightmare.

We spent three days stuck inside, the kids constantly panicking that their bladders would fill up and spawn another sprint to the potty, me going through roll after roll of extra-strength Bounty.

I tried to remember another time when my kids were this miserable.  Then, it came to me: physical therapy.

Since they rolled over at three days old, Bennett and Sutton have been late on every physical milestone — sitting up, holding their own utensils, you name it.  When they weren’t crawling at almost a year old, our doctor sent us to physical therapy.

For an hour every week, I watched my happy little kids scream and wail at the positions the therapist would force them into.  They were miserable, and I swear they were pleading with me with their eyes, as if to say, “Why are you letting her do this, Daddy?”

The therapist taught me the exercises, so I could repeat them at home, every day.  I never did.  I didn’t care if they weren’t crawling.  They certainly didn’t care.  It was actually cuter to watch them roll around everywhere they wanted to go.  To change course, they’d roll up to a wall, use their feet to pivot them in a different direction, then push off where they wanted to go.  It was kind of genius, and they giggled merrily the whole time they did it.

It came down to a simple decision for me… what’s more important: do I want my kids to crawl, or do I want them to be happy?

We stopped going to physical therapy.

Eventually, they crawled without some scary lady posing them like Gumbys every week.  They even started walking… around 6 months later than other kids.  But they were happy, ridiculously so.  And so was I.

So on day 4 of our 3-day potty training course, I put diapers back on my kids and took them to an indoor playground.  They jumped on the trampoline, rode the mini cars, hung from the zip line, built giant block towers and laughed their silly little heads off.

It was fantastic.

Tomorrow, they’ll start preschool… in diapers.  I know I’ll probably get in trouble for not having them trained, but if the teacher gets snippy about it, I’m ready to defend myself.

And if they turn out to be the first kids ever who are still in diapers when they graduate high school, so be it.  They’re getting old enough that soon, they’ll be able to change themselves.  At that point, my job will be done.

“There’s where we keep the Pampers, Buster,” I’ll say.  “It’s your problem now!”

55 comments on “I Know Nothing About… Potty Training

  1. Oh yeah, the funtimes have started. Kids will decide when they’re ready and if you ‘forget’ about it, one day they’ll say they’re ready and off they go. My youngest was ready to go when we moved house, so I stopped him, yep. And 3 weeks later we started again and he was done easily. Nights were different, nearly 12 months later, he comes along and says ‘I don’t want a nappy, it’s yucky’ after doing a poo. And we haven’t looked back. This is def one of the hardest things we have to do, but also the most rewarding. Good luck, and when they’re ready there’ll be no stopping them. 🙂

  2. I got nothin’ to give you on this one….one kid got diaper rash so bad he pretty much begged to get out of diapers and the other one was a camel and so putting her on the toilet morning and night was all it took..Well and pretty training pants….the girl loved a pretty anything…Just believe that they will be ready some time. Their time.

  3. This had me rolling in laughter… and frightened. Just today I entered into the, “get back on track, I’m a professional parent” phase of your story. Yikes. I got my daughter all jazzed up for the underwear, only to have her announce, 5 minutes after she peed on the potty, “Mommy, I peed on my leg.” Sigh. Maybe your kids can teach my daughter how to change herself – I like that idea much better.

  4. You will all get past this, just like walking and every other milestone coming over the next…well, forever. We’ve recently changed our tune to “it’s potty time”. When asked a yes or no question, our kiddo will almost always say no. Making statements or giving an A vs. B choice seems to get a better response (again, for us). I don’t envy you doing this with a pair of preschoolers. I would also be surprised if yours are the only ones who are not potty trained next week. All you can do is be persistent and try to keep it positive. This is another huge shift for all of you, take it at the pace you know is right for your family.

  5. Peer pressure will work in your favor for this one. Harper and Katie potty trained at the same time (and Katie saw a lot of her classmates use the potty.). And it was done… I bet you they will be using the potty in 2 weeks after school starts 🙂

  6. The anonymous comment above is right on. Seeing the other kids in underpants will be a huge motivator. It was helpful to me to think of the accidents as part of the process. After so much time in diapers, never feeling wet or uncomfortable, I think it can take kids awhile to put together the feeling with the result. 🙂
    Love your blog.

  7. LOVED this post, burst out loud laughing about how Elmo would reward them anyway. I’ve heard that once the kids get to preschool, they see other kids using the potty and they get interested really fast. I think they’ll want it “fit in” and hopefully the teachers will help you train. Good luck – keep us posted!!

  8. Jerry, this is one of the funniest things I have ever read. So that you know that I am laughing with you and not at you, you should know that kds learn much quicker in social situations (this is the teacher in me speaking now, btw) so I expect they will be potty trained very quickly after school starts.


  9. We went through this one by one with our three. Not sure how I could have handled two at a time! I remember being so proud after three years, that my oldest had conquered things. He sometimes wore pull ups for long rides, etc, but mostly he was trained.

    Then we took him camping. The campground did not have indoor plumbing because daddy (me) liked the idea of roughing it. I had forgotten how much even I hated pit toilets, so while my heart sank, it was no real surprise when Josiah looked down the toilet and said, “Wut’s in nere? Dere’s bugs in nere.” And he refused to go. All that hard work was flushed, so to speak, down the drain. And it took weeks after the trip to retrain. In the end, like your friends said, I just kept paying for diapers and changing them until he was tired of sitting in his own poo.

    I have no idea how twins influence each other in this, but I know you’ll get there, and when you do, you’ll be surprised at how it’s past struggle before you know it.

  10. It took my older son 18 months to potty train from first pee to NO MORE DIAPERS!!! My younger one had huge issues with trying not to poop. He associated poop with some pain once when he was constipated. We had to do the whole Miralax rigamarole. What worked best? Allowing them to run around the house naked.

    • How did the “running around naked” help? Did you have a lot of accidents to clean up? Were your kids so aware of the consequences that they trained themselves? Your comment is teasing what sounds like an interesting story; please elaborate!

  11. My oldest had a really hard time learning. She still has the occasional accident, and she’s 8! I panicked about my youngest, but when she was ready she trained herself in a few weeks and loved chocolate chips. I think it just depends on the kid, so don’t blame yourself. I do recommend the chocolate chips (or M&Ms). It is just practice, and if candy gets them to practice, then do it. Good luck!

  12. Since I’ve never potty trained anything, I don’t have any advice for you there, but the candy rewards I will back you up on! I substituted 2nd grade for a few weeks back when I was desperate for money and I started out refusing to reward them with food because I thought it would encourage obesity and send the wrong message.

    It was a very tough class. Then a teacher’s aid taught me the wonders of bribing with candy. Just dangle a piece of candy in front of their faces and they will DO ANYTHING!

    Don’t feel bad about bribing with candy. It works. And it will save your sanity.

  13. I love this blog. Thanks for the laugh. Our little guy is only 17months but we just bought him a potty to get used to the idea… now I see the long road ahead of us. At least I know I can come back here for a laugh when needed!

  14. Yeah, everyone who’s kid trained when they were 2 is just really lucky. My son is 4 and we’re still working on it. It’s really frustrating sometimes, but I think you’re taking the right approach to not stress about it.

  15. My daughter did not potty train until she was 4 1/2 years old. She is a unique kid and potty training was just not happening for us easily. We finally hired a behaviorist to help us out. I did not want her to go to kindergarten in diapers.

    Long story short, a bag of M&Ms, a bag of Tootsie rolls, days of reminding her to use the potty at 5 – 10 minute intervals and reading a book about the process of using the potty frequently finally did the trick. All for $250. It took about 1 1/2 weeks, I have had to go back to rewarding her for good potty behavior a couple of times, but for less than a day each time.

    I think what I got out of this process was someone telling me we were not awful parents (this process can really get you down when there are no successes). My sister’s boys transitioned from diapers to potty effortlessly and without accidents. It is hard not to compare our own progress to stories like hers. My daughter is now able to stay dry and has occasional accidents. Nighttime training is not even a concept to us and I don’t care if she wears diapers for the rest of her life at bedtime. Nighttime dryness will come when it comes. My husband said he wet the bed until he was 8, so it might be three more years…..I can live with that.

  16. My friend and I both have b/g twins that turned 3 this summer. We’ve been potty training since about mid Aug since everyone was set to start preschool after Labor Day. Not 1 of the 4 were fully trained, although some were sort of, by last week. My friend was waking each night in a panic and I had a terrible nervous stomach – we were both worried sick our kids were going to be the ones to crap their pull ups first thing. I mean, the odds were less in our favor, right? Well, we both made it through last week without any explosions, but man was it hellacious. I decided to take the weekend off from training and actually quit my son altogether. I’m tired of the crying when I even mention potty. These two minxes have driven me to the brink where I don’t care anymore. If the school has a problem we’ll deal with it.

    Just as a side note: when the story about Paul Ryan lying about his marathon time came out I just kept thinking, have any one of these political figures touched a toddler’s ass in their lifetimes, let alone potty trained someone? Go ahead and fudge your numbers, Paul – I’m busy hauling someone else’s butt back to the damn toilet. I’ll get back to your bs clarification after I’m done soaking some more soiled underwear. WTF?

  17. My cousin wasn’t fully trained until she was 3 and a half. Sometimes I’d go spend the night at my Aunt’s house because it was easier than commuting to school early in the mornings. I was working at a daycare at the time, too, and was convinced that my aunt was a bad parent. I slept in my cousin’s room and sat her on the toilet first thing in the morning and whenever she woke up during the night. It worked, but it wore me out, and now the little brat doesn’t like me all that much.

  18. Reblogged this on Domesticated and commented:
    I love this because I think it hits a zillion different methods of potty training–and still none worked for these kids! You have to give all parents props for putting in such a superb effort, but ultimately the old saying stands…. Every kid is different and they’ll do it when they’re ready!

  19. I have a daughter that turns 3 in December, and 16 month old b/g twins. We started potty training DD1 around 18/20 months, and she picked it up really quickly. Hurry! (we thought). I’m not sure what’s worse. Having a child who “doesn’t get it” or having one who clearly knows what to do and refuses. We go through cycles – we’ll actively insist for a month or two and then back off again. It doesn’t help that my mother in law insists that all three of her kids were trained in 3 days by 2 years old (insert eyeroll here). My husband and I believe that DD1 won’t be fully potty trained until the twins start training. As such, my husband has decreed that twins will start potty training at 18 months, so here’s hoping! Long story short – I empathize.

  20. LMAO!! you gave me a great idea….a potty chair transmitting daily affirmations…
    Maybe I’ll extend it to adults..a toilet seat that builds self esteem:
    “Your the King of this throne”….” No one matches up to your waste”…”You make me flush”….”Who’s the (mommy)Man!…

    When they are off to school..and your house is silent for around five hours…you will miss those days…..until a new Hectic(ness) arrives…

    With my kids now gone to college I can hear my digital clock ticking…..

    Love your stuff!

  21. Keep it up! You are doing great!! At 3 1/2, my son was still in diapers, and there were no signs he wanted it any different. Then, one day, he found a toy guitar in the local Good Will, and was told by the cashier that it was a “big boy toy”. With in the week, he was potty trained, and loved his new toy! Looking back now (3 years later), the problem for us was the cute, hand decorated potty chairs. He loved his, but never went on it once. The big potty was used from the beginning! And now, he’s happy, and not wearing diapers in school!

    My point is, you are doing a great job by deciding that they should be happy. The looks and comments I got from other parents were horrible, but my son smiled on the potty instead of screamed! And as a bonus, we have not had an issue with night training. The days will come for you, promise!!

  22. Kids do things when they are ready. Similar to your story, Siena walked around on her knees for the longest time before walking. After hearing horror stories of what she could be suffering from (love all the unsolicited advice people like to give) we called the pediatrician, and she said she will walk when she is ready and not to worry. I love our pediatrician, she’s so chill. Sure enough, she walked, then she ran, and the rest is history. Same for potty training, they will do it when they do it. Siena did it almost immediately. We had her in big girl underwear, she had one accident, was repulsed, and never had an accident again. Liam, he couldn’t have cared less about accidents. Underwear was of no consequence to him, if he was too busy plaing, he peed and pooed in them, he wouldn’t stop playing to go to the bathroom. And eventually, he just decided he was a big boy and that was that. It will happen, don’t worry. One day they will tell you to throw out the pampers. Til then, enjoy them, bc they are only young once.

  23. With my wife away this weekend for four days I’ve been planning a potty training boot camp for our son. This post sounds very familiar… we have a Lightning McQueen seat that has become a toy…. much like our time out mat. We shall see! Glad we’re not alone.

  24. It took us a lot longer than 3 days!!!! We did get rid of diaperes, and we bought rubber pants to put over the top of the underwear. They didn’t really collect all the pee, but it was enough to save the house / floors. But it was a lot of work. We put the potty in front of the tv, and my son watched so many hours of “potty power” and “elmo’s potty” etc…

    Overall, I would say that it was at least 2 weeks of peeing on himself constantly. And then by week 3 he really started to get it, but wasn’t really great at articulating when he had to go. But he was telling us when he had just gone. And then by week 4 he was pretty much potty trained, except for poop. Poop took another 2 months.

    But you really do have to get rid of the diapers. Its the only way.

  25. Ah, good luck. We went through a similar ordeal.
    We started potty training at 2, bought portable potties, with the removable seat. Nothing with characters though, because we knew it would become a toy (after reading that so many times).
    My husband and I where pretty lazy about it, and she was very easy going. We created a schedule and sat her on the potty every two hours. If she did pee or poo we would cheer, and get her stickers. If she didn’t, we said “aww, it’s ok, next time”. That is IF we remembered to take her potty. It was just so much easier to change the diaper! So we switched diapers. We used training pampers, without the straps, so it made it more annoying for us to change if she pooped, and easier to potty. She got the hang of it about a month later. She started peeing and pooping in the toilet, but would do it in her diaper if we didn’t take her. A year later she started day care, and she was still stuck in this stage. She never asked. She just went on her pants, or didn’t. If we where diligent, whole weeks would go without her dirtying a pamper, but if we forgot, it was time to find a changing table.
    My daughter’s daycare didn’t mind her not being potty trained. They told us it was ok, to just take our time and we’ll see when she was ready. She started daycare the week after she turned 3. A week later my parents, her daycare for the past 3 years, left the country for good (immigration laws 😦 ) and the change was traumatizing for her, with starting school and everything. She’s still an only child, so that was her only source of interaction with other kids her age, and I think peer pressure eventually won. On July her teacher talked to us when we picked her up, “She’s ready!, she hasn’t dirtied a diaper in two weeks, and hasn’t peed during a nap, bring her in undies tomorrow, pack some extra shorts and undies, and we’ll see how it goes. We where all so ecstatic! first day was perfect, second day was perfect, third day she had a tiny accident, but and by the end of the 2nd week she was FINALLY asking to go on her own, waiting almost 4 hours before dancing around saying “peeeeepeeeeee!!!”. She still has a couple of accidents every once in a while (i’d say once or twice a month) and still wears diapers to sleep, unless we forget to take them off in the rush to put her to bed, but we will let her tell us when she’s ready. Don’t worry, some kids go to 5y/o before potty training. It’s ok. It’s rare, but its ok. 🙂

    • Thanks for sharing your story. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from all these comments, it’s that every kid is different — and that they all have their breaking point. Fingers crossed ours come sooner rather than later. 🙂

    • Our eldest did not train until right after he tunerd 3. It was completely his decision, he wanted the fire truck (we bought a fire truck as a reward for when he was out of diapers), he knew what he had to do, so that was the end of diapers. He was day and night trained in 1 day. Now with #2 and #3, #3 was trained before #2, 3 is a girl and a year younger than #2. Again, it was both of their choices, and it took them a little longer, she was just over 2 when she started going, and even now, at 7, still wears UnderJams at night. She will get there eventually, so until then, we buy the UnderJams.[]

      • Well, you’ve definitely convinced me that all kids are unique in when they’re ready to train. I think the group mentality of twins adds to the us against them feel of the endeavor. It’s harder for me to speak with authority (“Do this! It’s time!”) when they have a sibling right next to them who’s just as defiant. Interestingly, though, my daughter is now 100% diaper free. She wears regular underpants at night and has never had an accident in bed. (A couple of accidents during the day, but that’s another story…)

  26. My 3 year old is the same. Temper tantrums and fighting to sit on the potty. I said fine – he will be potty trained by college to releive the pressure. In HIS time not mine.

  27. This really made me chuckle. I have all this to come with my 18 month old boy …. But happily putting it off for as long as possible!!!! 😉 x

  28. Pingback: Confession Time: I Quit Potty Training My Kids — The Good Men Project

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  30. OMG this cracked me up! I’ve already done it with two girls and I still don’t feel like I know anything about potty training! The Oops Boy is being especially resistant. Like you I am sending him off to preschool in pullups. By the time he’s 4 he’ll probably figure it out… 😉

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  32. My twins couldn’t be more different right now – my daughter refused to wear pull ups and was determined to wear underwear, even at nights. They are 3 1/2 now and she has been doing this for the past couple of months. She has accidents, mostly due to waiting too long. She gets really annoyed and tries to clean everything up. Her brother, on the other hand, is in utter denial the he even poops. He just flew by me so I caught a whiff of something. When I ask he just answers, “Stop it.” And when I put him on the potty he sits for 5 seconds, says “No pee is coming out” and gets off. I get everything about letting them do it in their own time (and if any kid were to be the candidate for this, Neal is him) but I can’t help feeling frustrated and discouraged sometimes. Off to change a diaper now!

    • Ugh, sorry to hear about that. My kids have gotten much better, but they’re not totally different from yours. My daughter wears underwear all the time, even at night. She’s been doing it for months and only had her first nighttime accident a couple of days ago. My son naps in underpants but sleeps in a diaper at night. He holds his pee in until the absolute last second when he’s about to burst. We’ve just gotten used to him dancing around the house all day trying to hold it in. If I take him to the potty, he’s just like your son. He holds it in and says, “See, I didn’t have to go!” Sometimes, even as he starts peeing he continues to deny that he has to go.

      Hang in there!

  33. Pingback: Mommy and Daddy Bloggers Shoot the Poop: Part One | The Daily Post

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