I have a new post up at Lifetime Moms today, and I’m really proud of this one. I was inspired to write it by watching Sofia the First with Sutton this weekend.
Why I Won’t Tell My Daughter That She Can Do Anything Boys Can Do
Jan
16
2013
jerry-mahoney.com
Author, ranter, dad
jerry-mahoney.com 
Love,love your post!
I like the idea of my kids living in a society where they take for granted that options are available to anybody who works hard for it, regardless of orientation, gender, colour, etc. I also congratulate you, Jerry, for getting your article in a mom-oriented parenting magazine! Yay for gay Dads!
Thanks. I was the first dad at Lifetime Moms. I’m shattering the reverse glass ceiling! 🙂
Great post!
Love.this.post.
All good.
Lovely post 🙂
OMG, I was watching the same episode this weekend and had similar thoughts about the theme! I think the exact line/message was, “You can do anything a prince can do.” So not just, “a man” per say. I rattled off a list of things that princesses and queens can historically never do to my TV. For example, how ’bout: RULE THE KINGDOM. Sofia’s got bigger problems than flying a horse if you ask me.
xoxo,
TDR
First of all, I love that you’re watching the show even though your daughter is too young to enjoy it with you. 🙂
Second of all, I thought the same thing you did about princesses not being able to rule the kingdom… then I remembered England is ruled by a queen right now.
It’s so funny that girls aspire to be princesses, though, never the queen. As for Sofia the First, it’s pretty much like throwing red meat to young girls. A regular girl who unexpectedly becomes a princess? It’s every girl’s dream (these days, at least — sigh).
Hi Jerry,
I totally understand where you are coming from. A lot of pro-equality parents have this inclination, that if we just let kids grow up without TELLING them that they’re equal, they’ll just understand it by nature because they have no reason not to. But I think you should reconsider. There’s been a lot of research on the subject, and the results are very clear, talking to your kids about this stuff is important. Not talking about race often results in kids growing up to exhibit racist tendencies. Not talking to kids about gender equality often results in kids growing up to exhibit sexist tendencies.
At first glance that makes no sense, and your logic seems better. Afterall, the world IS a different place than it used to be. We do have a black president, and we do have woman doctors. The problem is that your kids get messages from all sorts of other places besides their parents, and the majority of those other messages say that race and sex matter deeply. Some of it will be fairly obvious and maybe you can try to counter it, when your daughter is school age it’s extremely likely that a boy from a less egalitarian home will inform her that being a girl makes her somehow less, and maybe she’ll tell you about it, and you can tell her that that boy is wrong. But many of the messages less obvious than that and often parents don’t even know that their kids are getting them. Because the reality is that we DO live in a different world than we used to, but it grew out of that old world and it still has remnants. Women are about half of the population, but they’re only a little over 15 percent of the senate. Those differences are real and they matter. The world will teach your daughter that sure, women CAN be in positions of power, but in general they aren’t and they’re much less suited for them than men are.
I grew up being told constantly that women could do anything men could do. My mom was a tomboy and later in the army, and growing up when she did, it was difficult. In our house that seemed obvious, and I do remember wondering why she even bothered. But as I got older I started to come up against barriers, sexist classmates and even teachers, and the fact that she had talked to me about it meant that I had the tools and the language to refute them. Now I’m 27, and I’m planning my own (gay!) family, I have a good job, and I’m doing great. Part of that is because when I came up against people who told me that I couldn’t do something because I was a girl, I didn’t stop to think “wait, what if they are right?” because I already knew that they weren’t.
Also, please remember that your son needs to know about gender equality as much as your daughter does.
I love your blog, your children are beautiful and I think you are an excellent parent.
Katherine
Thanks so much for your well-thought-out comment. I really appreciate it, and you do make some good points. I’m certainly not sticking my head in the sand about sexism. I’m going to watch out for it and talk to my daughter (and son) about it when they encounter it. There’s just something awful about thinking that I should be the one to introduce them to it, at least at this age. And as for racism, I really can’t bring myself to say, “See that person? He’s different, but it’s important that we treat him the same, because some other people don’t.” I certainly plan to teach them about our racist past (and present), slavery, Jim Crow, apartheid, etc. Maybe it’s just a little too soon. They’re so young and so naturally tolerant right now. I want to preserve that as long as I can.
Hi I just became a daddy 6 days ago by surrogacy and I love it. i just found your blog i intend to check it out, I like it and its very interesting.
Michael
Love your blog…glad you’re here!
Thanks!