My Poopiest Post Ever (You’ve Been Warned!)

sink, water, tea cup, spongebob soapAs I’m cleaning up after breakfast, I smell poop.

This is never a good thing.

I follow the scent to the bathroom. Poop is everywhere. In the potty, in the toilet, on Bennett’s bare butt, but also places poop shouldn’t be, like — well, everywhere else.

Usually, when Bennett has to poop, he first runs through the house shouting, “I need to POOOOOOOP!!!” This time, for whatever reason, he tried to do it all on his own.

And then, even worse, he tried to clean it up on his own.

I should mention that Bennett’s poops are roughly 1/2 the size of his body and this one is particularly — well, mushy.

He’s now standing on the stepstool trying to wash poop down the sink with a tiny plastic cup from a toy tea set. He fills it from the faucet, then dumps it on top of some brown part of the sink.

“It’s OK, buddy. I’ll do it,” I say.

“No,” he insists, “I’ll be faster than you.”

He fills his cup. He dumps it. He fills his cup. He dumps it.

Poop is everywhere.

I start wiping his butt and legs. How does this little boy produce such an enormous mount of crap?

Sutton has been running around like a maniac, entertaining herself. She appears in the doorway. “You know who’s the jolliest man who visited our house?” she shouts.



Then she runs into a bedroom and closes the door.

29 comments on “My Poopiest Post Ever (You’ve Been Warned!)

  1. If it helps any – both of my kids went through a Poopcasso phase. I’m taking MONTHS of poop smearing. Walls, floors, toys, poop mud masks – you name it. By the time they finally grew out of it I considered myself a master poop cleaner. Nobody can clean a textured wall like I can!

    • Poopcasso — brilliant. Thankfully, my kids haven’t gotten creative with their poop yet. I’ve been struggling to keep them from coloring and painting on the walls. I guess I should consider myself lucky that crayons are all I’ve ever had to clean up.

  2. This is tempting me to halt all potty training and just stick with diapers – at least they contain the offending materials!

  3. I constantly find myself wondering how it is that toddlers can produce twice as much poop than the average adult, it’s baffling.

    And realize he only made it worse by trying, but that’s really showing some independence and responsibility that he at least tried to clean it himself! Not to mention, you’re the best dad ever for being so calm about it. Even after years and years worth of various toddlers, when something that big happens I have to close my eyes and take a slow, deep breath before I can manage to squeak out “Uh oh, was there an accident?” in a calm, collected voice. Seriously, I tip my hat to you, you were meant to be a dad!

    • Thanks — maybe I make myself sound a wee bit more patient in these blog posts than I really am. 🙂 I’ve taken to shouting “Serenity now!” a la George Costanza’s dad at particularly stressful moments, because at least that cheers me up a bit.

  4. Ah, yes. Adventures in poop. And always doubly-entertaining with twins. One of my favorites was sitting out in the hot-tub on a summer afternoon, bubbles churning, and suddenly realizing there was a strong odor of poo in the air. Swim diapers? Useless. And the power of the Jacuzzi pump to turn a toddler’s poop into several hundred gallons of poop soup in a matter of a few minutes is vastly underappreciated.

    Cheers to you, daddy.

    • Poop soup is seriously the most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard — and exactly the kind of comment this post called for. Yuck — and bravo for getting through that. I might’ve just trashed the hot tub and got a new one. 🙂

  5. At least you have a child who will take care of things! All children make a mess,but to meet a child who will try to clean up is so good. My children are parents,but never did they do that!

    • One of the most shocking things about this incident was that he was trying to clean. It’s not typical of him! They’re both just going through a phase where they love to play with the bathroom sink, and I think this was just an excuse for him to do that.

  6. My son went through a poop smear phase. On the bright side, at least yours does it in the bathroom. My sondid it on his carpet when he woke up from a nap. I do not miss the pre-school years. Keep on truckin’, man. It will pass.

  7. I had a poopcasso (yes, brilliant word!) as well. Only one time, thank goodness! Not in the bathroom, count yourself very lucky 🙂

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