I have a new post up today at Lifetime Moms, called “Don’t Go There!: 5 Places You Should Never Take Your Kids”. This one is heavy on the snark and extra-judgey. Hooray!
I’ve also been reposted at Scary Mommy, who shares my 10 Biggest Secrets I Keep From My Kids post. You may have already read it here, but you should still go check out her site because there’s a ton of awesome, hilarious stuff there.
jerry-mahoney.com 
I hate being judge-y, but I’m going to jump on it for one second here: As someone who loves children more than she loves adults, I want to add (since you said Times Square) New Orleans. It is not a child-friendly town for locals with kids! The 2 worst stories I have about living there would be the woman I had arrested (yep, I sure did) for smacking her toddler who started crying during Mardi Gras (there is a difference between what I saw and spanking, besides, she had been at the parade for over 3 hours with her 3 year old & that isn’t cool.) Second, the woman who stopped me on the street to yell at me, “Where in the HELL are the amusement rides for my kids?” in the middle of the French Quarter. Answer: We don’t have any. People live here, right in front of where you’re standing. Bonus? The woman who started yelling at strippers on Bourbon St: “What are you doing? I have a child out here! Get back inside!” This happened after 10pm. You should not have your 5 year old child out that late, let alone on Bourbon.
Please, please don’t take your kids to New Orleans unless you’re visiting family there. I have dozens upon dozens of horrible stories. And the south is NOT Vegas. Even if it was, I’ve seen a lot less kids on the Strip in Vegas than I have with drunk parents on Bourbon St.
That is truly horrifying — and I agree. I couldn’t imagine taking kids to the French Quarter at night, let alone bringing them with me while I bar hop. I can’t believe people really do that. That said, there must be other things in New Orleans worth bringing kids to, right?
I almost put Vegas on my list, because even though there are family-friendly things to do there, you can’t walk 10 feet on the Strip without seeing boobs. They’re on signs, on flyers being handed out, and hanging out of cocktail waitresses’ outfits. Personally, I love Vegas, but it’s definitely a grownups’ playground.
New Orleans has a great aquarium and a nice zoo, but people generally visit for the Quarter, so they just bring their kids there. And Bourbon Street is never appropriate for kids, the outsides of the strip clubs are covered with ads that might as well be pages from Penthouse. Add to that sidewalks that are less than stroller friendly and the free-flowing booze that’s being chugged on the streets, it’s just not a good idea.
I mentioned this post to a street performer friend of mine & he told me a family once left their 3-year-old with him saying they would be “right back.” When they hadn’t returned after 20 minutes or so, he went looking for them, kid in tow for an hour before calling the police. They’d been gone close to 3 hours before the police found them drunk in some bar and they had the nerve to tell my friend he was a jerk for making them look bad. Personally, it’s my dearest hope that that little girl is in a better home now, just the idea that anyone could leave their kid with a stranger dressed up as a pirate has me panic stricken!
That is one of the most horrifying stories I’ve ever heard. I was on HLN yesterday talking about this post, and I mentioned that I’d heard from someone about people taking their kids to the French Quarter. I almost want to rewrite the whole piece to include New Orleans now.
Maybe it’ll inspire you to write a travel piece! (And maybe someone will pay you to go on child-friendly vacations to do “research”, which would be awesome.)
Yes, I’ll gladly do “research” if someone will send our family on a trip to Disney World!
Bravo on the snark! Loved the piece. So funny and so, so true! Who in their right mind takes a kid to an R-rated movie? They don’t understand it yet, are forced to sit through it despite the bore and are then shouted at by other theatre patrons when they dare to run around, talk or niggle. Parenting at its worst!
Sadly, I see it all the time. I kind of feel the same way about late night screenings of kids movies. They show Wreck-It Ralph all day, why are you keeping your kids up late for the 9pm show? Older kids maybe, but if you have toddlers like me, they should be in bed by then. Then grown-ups know there’s at least one time of day when they can go see Wreck-It Ralph in relative peace.
I thought your Secrets piece was hysterical the second time around š
The places to avoid piece is very funny except the last one about airplanes… If a parent wants to buy their kid something nice because they have the money to do so, I don’t think it should be judged. You have no idea if the kid appreciates as much as you would or not… Unless you want that person to buy you the plane ticket?
Yeah, that was mostly a setup for the punchline at the end about scoring an upgrade.
As the parent who sat in business class (nothing first class about it anymore, trust me) with our 4 month old twins, I hated the looks from the parents schlepping back to the back. But with two kinda chubby mommys and two kids in arms, honestly, I just needed the room to sway them to sleep. Here is the real reason to avoid it – free alcohol turns the adults in business class into first class jerks. Our flight to FL was terrible, thanks to a 2 hour delay that pushed us past bedtime, and the jerks all around us who were definitely overserved. That said…to save the baggage fees and get the extra room, we’ll fly business class until they have to have their own seats. š