Why That Home Depot Marriage Proposal Video Makes Me Want to Hurl

Cry all you want, everyone I know on Facebook. If I’m being honest with you (and I probably won’t be to your face), that Salt Lake City Home Depot gay marriage proposal video you all insist on posting makes me sick.

Oh, don’t get all huffy now. I agree. Hooray for gays publicly displaying their affection in a typically macho store in a typically religious town! It Gets Better! Huzzah!

You know which video I mean. Today it’s this one:

Next week it’ll be some other video in some other town with some other couple, maybe straight, maybe gay but definitely eyerollingly cutesy.

Seriously, I’m done with these wannabe viral flash mob marriage proposals.

DONE.

And here’s why…

1. I don’t find them romantic. Whatever happened to going out for a nice dinner, pulling out a ring, getting down on one knee and being done with it? Am I supposed to be charmed that you felt the need to make a public spectacle of yourself?

Personally, I’m grateful to have a boyfriend who would slaughter me if I tried anything like this on him, run screaming from the Home Depot, refuse to let me post the video online and probably never speak to me again. I love the guy.

2. You’re raising the bar to places it shouldn’t go. Not everyone has the time, talent or complete lack of shame required to pull something like this off. But thanks to showoffs like these, every lovesick Joe or Jane is going to expect their boyfriend to stage his proposal like a Broadway production number if he has any hope of wooing her. How long till one of these videos ends with the unsuspecting victim staring into their beloved’s sweaty, exhausted face and responding to “Will you marry me?” with “Let’s see how many hits this gets”?

3. I’ve got better things to do. In every stupid video like this, there’s always phalanx of loved ones backing the dude up. And for what? They’re not the ones getting married. But now every time one of my friends falls in love, I’m supposed to go buy a solid color tank top, per your wardrobe demands, then rehearse an elaborate dance routine at, according to the credits, at least two different locations? And you’re making me stand next to Mike? I hate Mike. He’s way too into this, and he has a crush on you, don’t you know that? This is killing him. Geez, now you’ve made me feel sorry for Mike.

How about you come up with a plan that involves you and your boyfriend, and the rest of us will show you how happy we are for you by dancing at your wedding and only at your wedding? I love you guys, but honestly, that’s all I’m signing up for. You want to propose to your boyfriend? Great, good luck with that. Send me a Save the Date card when the time comes.

4. People be shoppin’! Β I pity those poor customers at Home Depot who just wanted to buy some lumber, only to find the aisle blocked off for a third-rate knockoff of some 80s Paula Abdul video. Couldn’t you have done this in the parking lot, or better yet, your own back yard? As if people don’t hear enough lame excuses from their contractors about why their project was delayed. Now they have to listen to them babble on about some shitty midday rave going on at Home Depot. Yeah, right.

5. Just come on! The song is by Betty Who? Betty Who who? And it’s used with permission? Gee thanks, Betty Whoever-You-Are. That song nobody’s ever heard of is so important to these dudes that they name-check it at the beginning and end of their video. Turns out Betty Who is an up-and-coming Australian pop star who — dammit, I fell for the trap!

C’mon, who’s really behind this video? Didn’t you people learn anything when Jimmy Kimmel came through the door with a fire extinguisher and told us that twerk failer was really a professional stunt woman? Viral videos are as fake as reality TV. The joke’s on you! Soylent Green is made out of people! IT’S PEOPLE!!!!

Notwithstanding the foregoing, my heart goes out to the happy couple. Mazel Tov!

95 comments on “Why That Home Depot Marriage Proposal Video Makes Me Want to Hurl

  1. Well mister… I blame Other Dad. And myself. Which is to say, I blame reality tv. Everyone now thinks their entire life is broadcast worthy. As Warren Beatty said to Madonna: “There’s nothing to say off-camera. Why would you say something if it’s off-camera? What point is there existing?”

    Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go edit brides.

  2. Seriously. There’s one other reason to that youtube proposals, and really most public proposals gross me out.

    You are supposed to be ASKING. ASKING implies that you are giving the other person the chance to say “no”, but in the world of viral video wedding proposals, you can’t say “no” without embarrassing, upsetting, and disappointing EVERYONE. You love this person enough to want to marry them? Totally awesome. But show them some respect by giving them the chance to bow out gracefully if they don’t totally reciprocate.

    When I proposed to my girlfriend (wife now!) last year people were all “omg did you get pictures?!?!” and I was all “no it was a PRIVATE MOMENT.” We love our engagement story. And we love it more because it was just us, no back up dancers required.

  3. Agreed. I have never been a huge fan of PDA’s gay or straight. Regarding item #4 I found myself wondering if the people standing behind the barrier were actually watching because they were interested in this display or they were simply waiting for it to be over so they could go pick out some 2 X 4’s.

  4. I loved the video (sorry) and I love all of those videos…but I would’ve killed my wife if she’d done anything like that. Which she knew darn well, which is why she proposed PRIVATELY…and then took me out to a Broadway show to celebrate. Which was performed by professionals rather than my friends. Good choice, that.
    I guess I just love seeing people doing something crazy and over the top…and I love seeing people happy and stunned. But I do agree with you that a proposal should be a QUESTION.

  5. Hahaha…Jerry, you make me smile:) I am in total agreement with your sentiments here. Stop making proposals with such a public display. It is an intimate moment that should be shared between the two people making the commitment to one another. I must confess, I did watch the video (just now) and while I don’t find it romantic to propose between woodpiles, I found it hysterical to watch how uncomfortable most of these participants looked….

  6. Yeah, really what do all those other people, and the group from the step class at the gym have to do with a proposal of marriage between two people? My Brian would be mortified. And damnit, Jerry, you made me actually watch this. I have been avoiding it like death itself.

  7. LOL Exactly! (Great reference on Soylent Green! πŸ˜€ Props!!!) If my BF had stepped into this, he would have just turned around and left, to go to a different home improvement store. I would have stayed to watch, because I’m a sucker for dance numbers. Even horribly done ones.

  8. I hate big showy proposals. It normally basically forces (in most cases for straights) the woman to say “yes” or else look like the worst-person-ever in front of a ton of people. Engagement is something that should happen after a series of conversations often in private or semi-private, not at the place we go to buy a new wax ring for a leaky toilet.

  9. Viral for sure! Interesting that the singer’s publicist was notifying some of the nation’s largest LGBT bloggers about the video within Minutes of the video being posted. #Gay, #Saltlakecity, #HomeDepot, #upandcomingsinger, #duped? – please notice the prominent spot Betty Who gets at the very beginning and very end of the clip. #hmmm….

  10. Thanks for defining what love and romance can’t be. I never get tired of the right wing community telling us our love isn’t real or the same as theirs. Having that happen from within my own company validate that it doesn’t matter whether you know or understand other people, as long as you have a negative opinion, that’s all that matters.

    • Wait, so airing my opinion on this makes me a traitor to gay people? I’m all for tribal unity, but not when it means I have to conform to your point of view, whoever you are.

      And be real. You’re as negative as I am. At least I had the guts to put my name on my opinions.

      • I don’t think this is about gays being negative toward other gays. I find straight public proposals equally as odious. Putting a potential mate on the spot in front of a large group of people so that he or she looks like an asshole if the answer is “No” speaks to some real insecurity about the relationship, if you ask me.

  11. Totally agree. It’s just the latest in a long slide into a realm where every (once private) moment we ever have must be photographed, filmed, and tweeted. I got engaged in a tent in a mostly deserted campground in Maine among throngs of black flies. Wouldn’t trade it for anything.

  12. So let me see if I can summarize: You didn’t like this kind of proposal because it doesn’t fit you or your relationship. It wasn’t intimate, it didn’t involve a question and it possibly inconvenienced other people. All valid arguments why you shouldn’t participate in this proposal and relationship.

    Thank goodness no one is asking you to! Sounds a lot like gay marriage actually.

    Just as easily as you clicked on the video and started watching it you can with one click eliminate it from your monitor.

    Kids these days! With their new fangled public viral proposals! When I was a young man…

  13. I’ll go a step farther. I hate the idea of ALL marriage proposals, public or private. I mean the kind where one person (of any gender) buys the ring, plans the big moment and then pops the question. Maybe that kind of thing was more appropriate in an era when only men could ask women to marry them, but I think that marriage is something that should be brought up in a discussion between two equal partners. Even without an audience, how hard it would be to say “no” to your boyfriend or girlfriend holding out a big ring and looking at you with expectation and hope. So much the worse with a bunch of people watching!

    • This is a good point. Having absolutely no experience with marriage or relationships, I wonder how many parters discuss beforehand whether or not they would both be open to the idea of marriage before one of them pops the question. I sort of assumed that most couples did that.

  14. Maybe I am too old and cynical, but I don’t think that I would ever give my intended an “engagement ring”, and I would not expect one, much less a “proposal.” We’re DUDES!

  15. hey fuckhead: don’t click PLAY next time. at least they’re smiling and dancing and not prattling on about how great it is that they’re exercising their god-given right to fuck up another human being AND stroke their own narcissism AND blogging about it. Go parade your kids through a restaurant or public park or something so everybody can know how much YOU are contributing to society.

  16. I’m glad somebody said it. I felt the same but quietly sulked in the corner and kept my thoughts to myself. It’s corny, it’s just longing for attention, and quite disruptive. Also, I’m really enjoying your blog!

  17. Jerry, I seriously couldn’t agree more. I think we might have the same boyfriend and the same gratitude about it. My first thought was, why Home Depot? And then I was like, oooooh; it’s a Home Depot commercial. Got it.

    I’m stoked for the guy if this is like his dream. But, I’d might be more excited to find out the our plan to garden that day was just a front for this whole shebang.

  18. My ex-husband proposed in the middle of a busy restaurant in downtown Chicago with a ring the size of Rhode Island. I didn’t hear a thing he said because the minute he dropped to one knee, with all of those people watching, I realized that there was no way that I could say anything but “Yes.” without all of those people thinking I was horrible and without embarrassing someone I cared about in a horrible way. I almost threw up. The whole thing was awful for me and I’m not introverted, shy or afraid of crowds looking at me- I just don’t like being judged poorly. Had it been even more public with all of my family and friends there? I don’t even want to imagine it. I don’t want to judge them, maybe they had talked about it and the guy had said he always wanted a big proposal, maybe that was his thing? But gosh I hope that everyone considering proposing to their partner isn’t going to think this is the only way!

  19. see now this is why I’m for stricter gun control laws: all of you people being FORCED to watch this video really should be free to do other things with your time. Like make up strictly defined rules of exactly how everyone’s proposals and/or weddings should be. I just hope that the people with the guns to your heads are picking up some valuables in the process…

  20. How have I not read your blog before! I love this. Thank you. This needed to be said! I cherish my private romantic moments with my husband so much that I want them between the two of us, not something I click on every day going…how many views do we have hunny?

  21. Since I didn’t watch the video until AFTER I’d read your entire post, of course I hated it. I had to stop it half-way through. I’m not sure how I would’ve felt without the bias.

    And also: Am I the only straight person reading this blog and thinking it’s awesome? (besides Rusty? Is he straight? I can’t tell; my gaydar is “rusty.” hehehe.) If so, I feel special.

    • Thanks, glad you like the blog, and if today has made one thing clear to me, I have fans and haters alike on all points of the sexual orientation spectrum. Yay.

      If you’re curious about Rusty, click on his name and go to his Facebook page. He’s certainly not shy about who he is.

  22. I couldn’t take you seriously after reading ‘I probably wouldn’t say it to your face’. Well, I would say this to your face… you’re an asshole. And you’re an asshole for the purpose of making money. I’m sorry you feel the need to be a sad scrooge of a queen.

  23. By the way, that posted me as anonymous. But I’m happy for you to know exactly who I am. My name is Becca and if you’d like more information, I’m happy to oblige… because I’m not afraid to say it to your face.

  24. And you don’t have the balls to keep any opposing comments? I notice that you only keep the happy, fluffy ones that support your point of view. I’m surprised you don’t like the happy, fluffy glitz and glamour of this adorable proposal.

    • I love how the crazy people are always so sure they’re being censored. It takes a few seconds for comments to show up sometimes. Try hitting refresh. You’ll see everything you’ve written is just as you wrote it. If the comments skew happy and fluffy, it’s because that’s how most people are reacting to my post. You’re the crank here.

  25. I guess I would pretend to faint (or actually faint) just to not be forced to react to this kind of proposal. Or I would close my eyes and wait until everybody – including my then could-have-been-wife – has left. – I mean, of course I do show others that that girl next to me is not my BFF but my wife but I would never ever make something private (as a proposal is, in my opinion) that public and artificial. In general, people think about a lot of things before proposing but nevertheless, asking your partner to share the rest of her or his life with you shouldn’t be choreographed and scripted as those kind of youtube-proposals are. I am wondering if it is about the relationship between the two of them or just the clicks they (hopefully) will get.

    • do you think it’s possible that these two guys — unlike you and your wife, apparently — actually talked to each other about what kind of proposal might be fun and/or what aspects of their relationships they think should be private and which they would enjoy sharing with their friends and family and the whole wide world?

  26. Haha! I agree. I would have killed Larry if he had done this to me. The person watching it was not in on any of it. Plus, everyone is looking at you for “aw” reactions. That’s a long song to keep thinking “aw”.

    I also feel bad for the people who are getting married now. It seems like every wedding has a “surprise” dance or something out of the ordinary.

    That being said, what do you think about this one? I kind of liked this one and at least it’s not in a public place.

  27. PLUS it was shot in Utah, which does not recognize gay marriage or allow gay couples to marry. I have two friends from Utah who had to come to LA to get married. Now they’re part of a class action suit against Utah.

  28. ITA I HATE THESE. First of all, you’ve made it so your partner can not say no and you’ve made a huge spectacle of them. For me, a romantic proposal would be for my love to ask me and we quietly elope the next day, just the two of us. I’ve had the elaborate proposal and the wedding and the marriage didn’t last. Give me a moment, just the two of us and a wedding of just the two of us and whatever witnesses we can drum up. Only two people are in the marriage, why make a big spectacle?

  29. Yep that was awful. An entire community of friends and family gathering together to celebrate two people they love, tears of happiness, laughter. Just retched. The nerve of them, publicly sharing their happiness! I’d never want to get engaged like this and never did get “engaged” – my partner and I just knew what we both wanted at some point and that was that. But I love seeing other people celebrating joy with community and if they want to share that with those that want to bother to watch, more power to them.

  30. I admit to thinking it was sweet, in a “wow, aren’t extroverts cute when seen from a distance’ kinda way, but it did go on for an awfully long time! It’s a bad sign when your beloved starts to get bored enough with your romantic gesture that he’s snapping pictures with his phone rather than staying in the moment. I reckon there may have been a bit of muttering into the organiser’s ear during the soppy hug at the end, like “be afraid of what I’m planning for Christmas.”

    Thanks for pointing out that the emperor has no clothes on. πŸ™‚

  31. I cried……from the horrible choreography!! If your marriage proposal requires dancing and multiple camera angles then I have to question it’s sincerity.

  32. I’ve not watched the video. I don’t really do PDA, no matter your orientation. So, while I’m sure it is cute and sweet to those involved, for me, it’s just not interesting.

  33. p.s. yes, if people were to do this shit in their own backyards, I think I would like it a tad more. You have listed MANY valid points!

  34. Reblogged this on Strawberryquicksand and commented:
    Oh, you humour lovers. Check this one out – as much as I love a good genuine flash mob, I don’t think they are appropriate for wedding proposals, and this is a great blog post that pretty much says everything I think!

  35. I personally liked it.. why??? Oh I guess I’m a closet romantic. My first husband said “so.. ya wanna”? that was it.. no bells, no whistle.. not even down on one knee.. but I was young and dumb and said yes.. said goodbye a few short months later… HA! Would I want this for me? No thank you.. I feel that’s something that should be done in private…. I’d love to see one where the person said no! Those rock. Then again, I’m the one rooting for the bad guy to win in the fight..lol..

  36. Yes Jerry I see your satire here and yes I do live in Salt Lake and I have been to that very Home Depot and yes I cry at all the ones I see on here I even go look for more and yes my Partner of 18 years would disown (did I spell that right?) me if I tried some thing like that but how can you complain when you are doing the ( at least ) close to the same thing with your blog. more satire. big smile.

  37. Well said! I know I am only 16 and I probably have no say in this. But really? I never wanted either my marriage (hopefully there will be one) or the proposal would be like that.
    I would rather have a dinner just the two of us then he will whip out a ring and asks me to marry him, rather than being peer pressured like that.
    In my opinion I think that people who do this are either a drama queen or a very desperate person (seeing that this is one way to peer pressure someone)

  38. Thank you! I see so many of these videos shared on facebook it’s sickening. I always wonder what do these people do for their weddings? Their anniversaries? How do you top that beginning. Also a tiny part of me is evil and waits for one of these proposals to end with a no.

  39. AARRGGHHH! Had to stop it when grandma and grandpa came on before I disappeared up my own arse from sheer embarrassment….just grim….

    And anyway, if someone is going to do something like this, they owe it to everyone to make sure the track is cool and the dancers are crack tight cos it looks like they seconded this lot in from the nearest church hall beginners aerobics class!

    C to the R I N G E.

  40. Pingback: Why That Home Depot Proposal Makes Me Want to Hurl β€” The Good Men Project

  41. I am with you! Life is not a musical and no one wants to learn a choreographed dance. A proposal should be more intimate and romantic. I am also against these happening at a wedding. I will dance at your wedding, but I will not dance like this.

  42. Videos like this will lead to other videos like ‘lets get divorced flash mob dance’ later down the track! Whether gay or straight a proposal should be intimate and private. Not about how many hits you can get on the internet!

  43. Ha ha ha. The bit about Mike made my snort loudly at my desk and then pretend to cough and sneeze and blow my nose to hide the fact I’m not working. I hate Mike too, don’t feel sorry for him, he’ll always be a git!

  44. I get embarrassed for people when they do public stuff like this. I cringe. Gay or straight or whatever. So awkward for the guy who is being proposed to, having to stand there while a song plays and everyone dances around smiling at him. Ugh.

  45. Pingback: Shallow Days | ASH Multimedia

  46. LOL! “I pity those poor Home Depot customers who just wanted to buy some lumber…” I can’t stop laughing at that line. What you say is so true — I was literally sweating with embarrassment for these guys as I watched the video. And I would no sooner want the world watching my mother dance behind me across a Home Depot aisle than I would stick a nail through my eye. But I do feel bad for Mike.

  47. If you think you were wasting your time watching this video then why did you waste it writing this useless article…

  48. hOW Despicable What is this generation coming to. The kids response to the unatural proposal of the same sex was encouraging. they rejected it-But what about the next generation where it might be more acceptable over time. How sad. Did this generation ever consider the facts and history of Sodom and Gomorra. It happened-God said it is an ABOMINATION. bILLY gRAHAM ONCE SAID THAT gOD WOULD HAVE TO APOLIGIZE TO SODOM AND GOMORRA IF HE DIDNT JUDGE THIS SIN. WAKE UP AMERICA AND REPENT

  49. Pingback: I Don’t Want My Marriage To Go Viral

  50. Pingback: Supporting Gay Marriage, Just Not My Own | Mommy Man

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