Sutton: “Follow my lead… and succeed!”
Me: “That’s clever. Where’d you hear that?”
Sutton: “I made it up.”
Me: “No you didn’t.”
Sutton: “I did!”
Me: “I don’t believe you.”
Sutton: “Why not?”
Me: “It’s too sophisticated for a five-year-old to think up.”
Sutton: “I did! I thought I up!”
Me: “OK.”
Sutton: “You believe me?”
Me: “Sure.”
Sutton: “Dad?”
Me: “Yeah?”
Sutton: “What does ‘succeed’ mean?”
My husband was reading a book about Barack Obama to the kids tonight, and it mentioned that he was the 44th president overall but the first who was African-American.
Me: “Did you guys know that? He’s the first African-American president?”
Bennett: “So all the 43 other presidents were our color?”
Me: “Yes.”
Bennett: “That’s crazy.”
Me: “I agree. And they were all men, too. There still hasn’t been a woman president.”
Sutton: “I just want the next one to be a woman, like Shirley (sic) Clinton! Are there any other women who want to be president?”
Me: “Right now, just one. Her name is Carly Fiorina, but we don’t like her.”
Sutton: “Why not?”
Me: “Well, for one thing, she doesn’t think Daddy and I should be able to get married.”
Sutton: “WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?”
Me: “Really. I told you there were people like that, right? Well, she doesn’t think two men should be allowed to marry each other.”
Sutton: “And does she not think a woman should be able to marry a woman?”
Me: “That’s right. She doesn’t.”
Sutton: “So she doesn’t think people should be GAY?!”
Me: “You could say that.”
Sutton: “That’s CRAZY!!!”
Me: “Isn’t it?”
Sutton: “Daddy, I think she would be a VERY bad president.”
Well, I know someone who would make a very good president…. someday…
“Daddy, where did people come from before there were people?”
“I don’t know, Honey. Some people think there was a guy named God who made us.”
“But then who made God?”
“You’re very smart, you know.”
“Hmmm… let’s Google it.”
Me: “Did I ever tell you about the time Daddy and I played an April Fool’s prank on all our friends?”
Sutton: “No.”
Me: “We told them we were adopting a baby from China, and her name was Fu-Ling.”
Sutton: “Like ‘fooling’?”
Me: “Right!”
Sutton: “It sounds like a Chinese name. That’s funny!”
My (real) daughter in 2015, outsmarting most of my friends in 2004.
Happy birthday, Fu-Ling.
Sutton shows off a couple of her exes.
“Daddy, let Santa know that if he buys me that Ariel toy I asked for, I’m going to marry it.”
“You can’t marry it. Don’t you remember last week when you married that stick you found in the street?” (Yes, this happened.)
“Oh, we broke up.”
“What? You’re only 5. You can’t already be on your second marriage!”
“No, it’s my third marriage.”
“What? Who did you marry the second time?”
“Another stick.”
“And you divorced it?”
“Yes.”
“You’ve been married to two sticks?! And now you’re getting married again? You can’t get married so many times!”
“I’m going to be a man-izer when I grow up.”
“A what?”
“A man-izer, like Britney Spears.”
“That song is called ‘Womanizer’, and — wait, you know exactly what that means, don’t you?”
“Yup. I’m going to be a man-izer.”
“Honey, I don’t think we’ll be listening to Britney Spears anymore.”
“Daddy, I know how to spell boo.”
“How?”
“B-I-I!”
“That’s close, but not quite. Try again.”
“Daddy, I’m right. Boo is B-I-I.”
“No, Honey. Boo is spelled B-O-O.”
“Daddy, look…”
“See? B-Eye-Eye.”
“Touché.”
* * * * *
Read my Biik.
“Hey, Bennett! Let’s play walkie-talkies!”
“OK!”
“You go in your room, and I’ll go in mine.”
“OK!”
“ROOOOOARRR!!!! I’m a big, scary monster!”
“Oh, hello! I’m a beautiful princess!”
Bennett: “Daddy, when I grow up, I’m going to build a ride for Disney World.”
Me: “That’s great. What kind of ride?”
Bennett: “It’ll be for babies.”
Me: “Good idea. They don’t have a lot of rides for babies. And what will it be?”
Bennett: “A Tower of Terror.”
Me: “Hmm… OK. Well, what are you going to call it?”
Bennett: “The Baby Tower of Terror.”
Me: “How is it going to be different from the regular Tower of Terror?”
Bennett: “It’s not.”
Me: “It’ll be just as tall?”
Bennett: “Yup!”
Me: “And just as dark?”
Bennett: “Yup!”
Me: “Don’t you think babies will be scared?”
Bennett: “Nope, because it’s for babies.”
Sutton: “I’m going to make a ride called Minnie’s Fashion Bow Ride.”
Me: “What happens in your ride?”
Sutton: “You ride in a bow and you see all of Minnie’s bows and beautiful dresses.”
Me: “How long does this ride last?”
Sutton: “15 or 20 hours.”
Well, maybe not that one.
This one…
“Daddy, some people are funny, and some people are serious. Daddy’s funny.”
“Am I funny?”
“No. You’re serious.”
“Are you funny?”
“Yes.”
“Is Bennett funny?”
“Yes.”
“So I’m the only serious one?”
“Yes.”
“What about your teacher?”
“She’s serious.”
“Oh, good. So it’s not just me.”
“But sometimes she’s funny.”
“Am I funny sometimes?”
“No.”
“Who else is funny?”
“Um… the cup.”
“The cup is funnier than me?!”
“Can I play with the iPad now?”
jerry-mahoney.com 