WOW! 10 Shocking Revelations You Can Read Only in “Mommy Man: The Book”!!!

OK, maybe my book isn’t quite tabloid fodder deserving of a headline like that, but if you think it’s some dry how-to guide about surrogacy or gay daddyhood, you’re way off. Publisher’s Weekly called it “uproarious” and “touching,” and Tim Carvell of “The Daily Show” and “Last Week Tonight With John Oliver” said, “Mommy Man belongs on the same shelf with Dan Savage and David Sedaris, unless you’re one of those weirdos who sort your books alphabetically.”

Maybe you think because you read this blog that you already know my whole story? I promise, you don’t, and if you like what you read here, you’ll love the book even more.

I spent two years of my life writing this book, because I knew I had a great story to tell, full of surprises, sweetness and humor, and I wanted to share it with people (and someday, when they’re older, with my kids).

What’s now hitting bookstore shelves near you is a comedic memoir about my life, starting when I was a closeted gay kid who never thought he’d be a dad and ending over 20 years later when (spoiler alert!) I’m a dad. Along the way, it’s full of funny stories, awkward confessions and tons of unexpected little tidbits. Here are just a few topics you’ll read about in my book:

1. Which popular and beloved 80s teen films shoved me further back into the closet as a kid.

2. How MTV’s The Real World brought Drew and me together.

realworldmedrew_edited-1

3. How American Idol almost caused us to break up.

4. Which shocking celebrity scandal I predicted two years before the news actually broke.

5. How you could kinda say this guy was my first:

colormebadd

6. Which celebrity left a weepy voicemail on Drew’s phone that we played over and over for laughs.

wrestling

sarahpalin27. Why I will always associate Sarah Palin with homoerotic wrestling videos.

8. The worst thing you can possibly say to a woman who’s just donated eggs, and which completely unexpected person said it to Susie.

9. How a trip to Disneyland found us a surrogate, and how another trip there almost got our kids lifetime passes.

10. The absolutely astounding and even more selfless thing Susie has done since donating eggs for me and Drew.

“Mommy Man” is the fun, feel-good read everyone always says they’re looking for and can never find. Don’t take my word for it. Read the endorsements from Scary Mommy, Baby Sideburns, Stefanie-Wilder Taylor of “Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay” and more!

* * * * *

Mother’s Day is less than one week away, but Mommy Man Day is even closer! This Thursday, May 8, is the official release day of my book, “Mommy Man: How I Went From Mild-Mannered Geek to Gay Superdad.” Hmmm… have I mentioned that already? To celebrate, I’m orchestrating my official Chart Twerk 2. If you haven’t already bought your copy, I ask that you buy one on Thursday, as close to 12pm EST as possible. It can be online or at your favorite bookstore. If a bunch of people buy at the same time, the book has a good chance of making an impact on the sales charts. How high can it go? Top 1,000? Top 100? I can’t wait to find out!

* * * * *

I’ll be tweeting a bunch around the book’s release, so now’s a great time to make sure you’re following me on Twitter and Facebook!

* * * * *

Do you really want to help me out? Share this post (or one of your favorite Mommy Man posts from the past) on your social networks using the handy share buttons below. Post a selfie of you holding your copy of “Mommy Man” to my Facebook wall, and you could win an autographed copy. If you’ve already read the book, write a review on Amazon, GoodReads, Barnes & Noble or wherever you prefer to review books.

I Won’t Be Your Gay Friend If…

English: English: Actor Kirk Cameron, at Calva...

Image via Wikipedia

“I’ve been encouraged by the support of many friends (including gay friends, incidentally).” – Kirk Cameron

It’s become the latest cliche of homophobia that every time someone in the spotlight spouts something anti-gay, they’re quick to point out that they have gay friends. Really? I wonder if any of these people actually know what being a friend means.

Take Kirk Cameron, for example. He said a bunch of crazy stuff about homosexuality, then acted surprised that gay people took offense.  He has gay friends, after all.  Or so he claims.

Now, let me just state up front that Kirk Cameron’s or anyone’s opinion of homosexuality means about as much to me as my kid’s opinion of eating broccoli, which is pretty similar to how Kirk feels about the gays, actually.  I mean, it’s not like Tina Yothers condemned me.  Then, I’d be crushed.

But how does this guy develop such bigoted views and still think he’s admired by the people he’s bigoted against?  That’s when I realized what’s going on:

You guys, we’re being too nice to Kirk Cameron.

Sure, he thinks he has gay friends.  Most gay people I know are pretty cool.  They’re not going to spit in a former child star’s face just because he grew up to be an insane, reactionary a-hole.

Take me for example.  I’ve scooched over on the train so a bigoted person could sit next to me.  I always let bigots get off the elevator before I get on.  I’ve dropped pennies in the “take a penny, leave a penny” tray knowing that whoever takes my penny may have voted for Prop 8.  What can I say?  I’m very tolerant of people with different viewpoints than my own.  But please, bigots, don’t mistake any of that for friendship.

Just so we’re clear, there are a few dealbreakers to us being buddies which you may not be aware of .  Let me spell them out for you as clearly as I can before you go telling the media that I have your back.

I won’t be your gay friend if…

– You’ll let me cater your wedding but not have one of my own.

– You don’t think I should be able to adopt children because I might be “attracted” to them.

– You think merely saying you love everyone is equivalent to actually demonstrating that love.

– You use your religion both as a basis to attack me and as a shield to defend yourself from my rebuttal.

– You would treat your gay child with anything less than complete acceptance, unconditional love and a raging desire to kick the ass of anyone who made life hard for them.

– You joke in some movie that electric cars are “gay” and expect me to laugh.

– You still wish Will & Grace had hooked up at the end.

If any of those apply to you, that’s fine.  You have every right to be exactly as horrible and wrong-headed as you want to be.  As I said, though, don’t expect me to be your gay friend.

Now that that’s out of the way, I’d like to address those people who actually are my friends, because clearly we’re giving those other guys the wrong impression.

So here’s what I propose:

If you see Kirk Cameron, Sarah Palin or any other blatant homophobe, don’t be nice to them.  It confuses them.

Don’t shake their hand.  Don’t style their hair or do their interior design or perform “Rent” for them.  And for the love of God, don’t play your 1970s classic rock hits at their wedding, Elton.

Just cut them off and say, “Sorry, I only do that for friends.”

It’s not polite and it’s not subtle, but I’m afraid it’s the best course of action from here on out.  Sometimes the only way to get through to these people is to be a complete douchebag.

You know, like them.